- hello Webby's World
- Username: Webalicious1
- In response to: "Who are you?" Not who I wanted to be. Not who I planned on being.
- Webalicious1's latest answers
- Things I Remember
Who am I? Where am I? Why am I here?
If you've asked yourself any of these questions recently, chances are this one's not for you. Of course, there's always the off chance that you ask yourself these questions daily but you have some ready answers.
Knowing who you are is a matter of remembering things like your origins, surroundings, and circumstances. Knowing where you are is often a case of knowing where you've been and which direction you're headed. Why you're here is a combination of all of the above... all rolled into a big ball of self-awareness and astute attention to surroundings. Once you've taken stock of yourself and whatever is around you, don't be afraid to set a goal and actively pursue it. Jostle yourself out of humdrum complacency and rejoin each day like it was the best adventure of your life. Remember the important things. Let the small things fall away. Have the wisdom to know the difference between the two.
- Dazed, Confused and Underemployed
I've been keeping a stiff upper lip for so long, I'm beginning to talk funny.
What am I doing wrong? It's been two years since the Masters in Education (GPA 3.98) - I'm still grossly underemployed despite all efforts to gain at least a better part-time job in addition to the adjunct position I have. I'd love a full-time job, but seeing as I can't even land an interview for a part-time gig, I can't see this happening.
I am certainly qualified to do a number of things. I have years of job experience. I worked for 25+ years in the public sector prior to returning to college. I am motivated to work (I finished two degrees while I taught - if that's not motivated, I don't know what is.) I have no family commitments to slow me down. I have no criminal background outside the occasional (long ago) parking ticket. I'm mature, independent, willing to learn, able to relocate, a good communicator, personable, not without a modest amount of talent in my field, non-smoker, nothing more than the occasional social cocktail, well-read, intelligent, goal-oriented, learner-centric educator.
This is what confuses me. WHY do I not have a full-time job yet? I'm not adverse to doing administrative jobs - I have the education and background to do administrative functions as well as teach. I do not harbor adverse or controversial views or opinions. I'm pretty much middle-of-the-road, open-minded, and and a walk-a-mile-in-their-shoes type of person. I believe in making informed decisions.
I know there's a job shortage in the U.S. I've been told there's a teacher shortage in the U.S. too. That one I'm starting to disbelieve. I'm not seeing it. I'm certainly not overwhelmed with teaching vacancies. All I'm hearing is more teachers are being laid off. Someone needs to get their story straight before more people like me go into immense amounts of educational debt to become teachers.
I need to work. I need to eat. I cannot exist on air alone. I have bills, like everyone else. I also have a huge amount of educational debt that I would love to start paying back. I'm in deferral currently but that will run out shortly. Without a job, I am headed for default. I do not want to go on public assistance. I may not have a choice.
The emotional toll is becoming greater as every day passes. As an artist, I'm fairly immune to rejection, however this is getting to be a bit much. I'm starting to feel like a total waste of space. My creativity is beginning to slide. It's a struggle to maintain focus at times. I'm not a wimp - I'm 55 and this isn't my first rodeo. I've been through and seen a lot. I'm just not sure where this is taking me or if I'm going to like it once I get there. I've been keeping a stiff upper lip for so long, I'm beginning to talk funny.
Will there EVER be a job for me? I'm starting to wonder about the choices I've made, even though I feel compelled to state that deep down, I am an educator. It is what I am. I only what to do what I am, make a reasonable living from it, and stay relatively sane, healthy and happy. I've worked damned hard and gone to considerable expense to obtain the qualifications, experience, and knowledge to do this. Why is it not working? I am so confused.
- If I Could Relive Any Day of My Life (Dream Unanswered)
The day I gave up on my dreams and became the good daughter. I'd like to go back and claim temporary insanity for that day. I want a "do over." Had I stuck to my guns, I would've studied at the Sorbonne in Paris, become a professional artist, not wasted 25 years of my life working a job I could not possibly consider anything more than mundane and ritualistic, and maybe, just maybe, had a shot at being truly happy with myself and my life. I blew it.
I let my parents sway me, cloud my decision-making process with their own brand of fervent, terror-ridden angst/logic of "what ifs." That damned line about "you need something to fall back on" is exactly that - if you have something to fall back on, you will fall back on it. It was time to throw that to the wayside and take the risk and I failed miserably. I did not have the guts to defy them.
And where am I now? Over-educated, under-employed, burdened with enough educational debt to sink a ship, and teaching as an adjunct at a university that will never give me a shot at a full time gig. Why? Because I'm not the artist I could have been. I left one trap to ensnare myself in another. Stupid.