I have absolutely no idea what this question is asking. It almost seems like an inside joke. When I checked out this Maggie's blog, Mighty Girl, on Monday, there was some other question there just like this. A box at the end of a three-sentence post read "Choose one: Mom, Dad, Court-appointed Official." No explanation at all. I had to go read comments other people had made on the post is order to understand what the hell was going on with this poll: apparently "Who would you live with if your parents split up?" was the question.

My question: why didn't you just say that?? I would be more than delighted to ponder this issue, "choose one," and explain my reasoning in a comment, but only if I know what the issue is. This is seriously annoying.

So, later, Plinky. As much as I love it here, this is jank. I'll be back next week when this wannabe is done "inspiring."

Why not? You're already in the market for a new car, right? Something better for the environment than that rainforest deathtrap of an SUV you're no longer very proud to own? What could be better than a car that gets 500 miles per gallon of regular unleaded gas, not to mention one that flies? The Jetsons had a flying car, you know.

What's that? Yes, theirs was a bit more compact than this. But can you imagine what kind of cargo space they must've had? Besides, this car morphs between car and plane, depending on whether you're driving or flying. This car flies and drives! None of this hovering nonsense. If you're stuck in traffic, morph into the car, and everything is normal. Roadtrip? Let those wings extend and you'll be there in no time. If getting there is half the fun for you, you can drive, knowing that flying is always an option if you change your mind halfway or become extremely impatient.

Oh, the price? Well, as they are still in the developing stage, the price will vary from our current figures, but...no, you can't really be walking away now! There's at least a year until you can physically receive your car, so payment plans can be worked to meet nearly all needs! No, you haven't heard the best part yet!! It comes with free lessons, a full how-to on operating your vehicular miracle. Yes, free! Not included in the price of purchase at all, absolutely free. Not all dealer offer this, you know. Some charge extra for the classes, by the hour. Plus, if you buy your flying car here, every member of you family with a valid driver's license or permit can take part in the lessons, for no extra fee!

Honestly, what have you got to lose? Place the first down payment on your very own flying car today!

Thong
It only bugs me in reference to sandals. THEY'RE CALLED FLIP-FLOPS. If you're talking about flip-flops, don't say thongs; everyone around you will indubitably end up with horrible mental images filled with ill-covered asses.

Buttock(s)
Just...ew. Say "ass." Say "butt." Say "booty." NEVER say "buttocks," or "buttock." If you question this, you probably use it regularly.

There is really something unique and special about putting a piece of paper in a typewriter, centering it, and letting your thoughts to be poked into inky permanency. I feel this surge of unidentifiable emotion knowing that I cannot simply press "Backspace" to erase my mistakes, that every letter is eternally present once I press its respective key. Sitting at a computer, jabbing at a keyboard as virtual script appears backlit in front of you, quite easily destroyed with the wrong sequence of keystrokes, feels impersonal and fake, like a faceless anyone could be writing this memoir to a fantastic science teacher, or recounting that one stormy night at camp. The non-electric typewriter is also a mechanical wonder, metal bits and pieces all screwed together to work in glorious technical harmony: press a button and a bar immediately flies up to smack language onto your piece of paper. There is no need for specification of font or font size on a typewriter; everything is uniform, allowing a reader to judge the literature for its composition, not its presentation. Society needs to bring back the typewriter, if not for everyone then at least for those appreciative souls who forever pine for the simplicity and classic beauty of the original industrial thought translator.

This is a book by a comedian, so it is obviously going to be funny, but it goes beyond all that. If you've ever been to fmylife.com, you'd love this book, as well as Handler's other book, Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. What could be funnier than the recounting of liquor-soaked memories of Mexico and midgets? The best part is that it's all true. I realize people say that last statement a lot, but it is a sincere evaluation in this case. This is not a fictional novel, or a made-for-TV movie. This is her life. Some stories might be altered for comedic effect, but I kind of prefer to be a bit naive about it and assume every last drop of these books are truth.

(Note: After reading this again, I'd like to clarify the intro a bit. I'm referring to being against excessive drinking, not being against sex before excessive drinking.)

Seventeen
I still read this. The exercise tips are usually fabulous, and this is where I discovered HungryGirl.com. I am not a chronic dieter, a calorie counter, or a low-carb fanatic, but their once-a-day weekday emails are cute and helpful in most cases, especially the ones that deal with how to eat fast food or at big chain restaurants without gaining a whole pants size. Their recipes, though I have not tried any yet myself, look pretty appetizing, and way better for you than their uberfattening counterparts, but I am a baker at heart and would never dream of doing anything to leave the deliciously massive amounts of butter out of my favorite recipes. However, if that happens to be your thing, this is the place for you.
I also love how everything in this magazine (apart from many of the celebrities, of course) seems real. There are little tidbits inside every issue about how you can save money easily, or cute things you can find inexpensively, as well as environmentally friendly products and ideas, for the green girls out there.

French Cosmo
I've only read this magazine once, fairly recently, but it is far superior to any issue of its American "equivalent" that I have laid eyes on, as are many French things...

I didn't realize what this movie was about, and neither did my parents. The graphic scene in the library was particularly awkward, for obvious reasons. I wasn't exactly unaware of what was going on, especially since I've read romance novels since I accidentally bought one when I was 14. Either my parents don't know this, or they ignore it. But, in either case, while I loved 'Atonement' and admired the lighting throughout the entire film, it was a poor choice to watch with my parents.