• alun
      • hello Alun
      • Username: alun
      • In response to: "If you were in a movie right now, what music would be playing?" Probably something likeTour de France by Kraftwerk, as I've just fixed my bike.
  • alun's latest answers
    • My Plan for Universal Harmony between Cats and Dogs
      • If you've seen as many documentaries on children's television as I have you'll know there's an ongoing conflict between cats and dogs. Hardly a day can pass without a dog running round a corner and being smacked in the face by a cat expertly wielding a frying pan. Nor can a cat walk in peace in the park without a piano being hurled at it by an irate dog. No more should we listen to the gentle tweet tweet sounds of bluebirds circling another victim in this endless war. I have the solution.

        We divide the country into thirds.

        Cats live in the bottom third and Dogs in the top third. The middle third will be a buffer between the two which will have the added benefit of being a hypo-allergenic zone.

        Now I know what you're thinking. "Alun, surely you can't be suggesting that cats are made illegal in Scotland?" No, no, no. You misunderstand me. Cats get the bottom third. The third that lies between sea-level and 50 metres. Cats will be a low altitude animal. Dogs will occupy the middle third from 200 metres upwards. This covers the moorland so they can hold onto their jobs herding sheep. Few dogs will join the unemployed in this scenario.

        The variation of contours means that there will be local dog and cat zones around the country, except East Anglia which will feline. This is a shame, but on the plus side harrassed squirrels will be safe from pursuit by moggies simply by climbing sufficiently tall trees. Actually, no that wouldn't work because the cats would get axes and chop them down. Perhaps concerned citizens could leave metal ladders around. It's this kind of minor detail that we employ the government to sort out.

        Nonetheless geographical buffering would bring peace to this battered land.

        If this works then I believe a similar solution can be applied to the hunter / wabbit problem in the USA.

      • answered by alun on 08/04/2009
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    • Humour with brains
      • Some novels are a story with a few jokes bolted on. Others are a string of jokes hammered with hope onto a skeleton plot. Good Omens has both plot and characters, and makes the humour integral to the story.

        At the centre of the book lie "The Nife and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch", the only book of prophecy which has proven 100% correct about the future. Agnes has predicted the world will end on a Saturday, not this weekend, the next one.

        This would alarm Crowley and Aziraphale, a demon and an angel. They've been Hell and Heaven's agents on Earth since 4004 BC. respectively tempting and inspiring humans into action. After six thousand years in their company they've grown to like humans and tolerate each other's company. Unfortunately they have their own problems because the Antichrist is walking the earth, but he seems to have gone missing. The Witchfinder Army is marching to find him.

        Meanwhile in Tadfield, a small English country village, a boy named Adam is starting to have some strange ideas about the future.

        Good Omens works because Pratchett and Gaiman take commonplace occult, New Age and (because Aziraphale insists angels can't be occult) ethereal ideas and works through how they would work in the real world. Crowley might be an agent of the Beast, Prince of Darkness and Great Adversary, but he has a day off once in a while like anyone else. When gets home he likes to sit back in his exclusive Mayfair pad with all mod-cons. Likewise Aziraphale has picked up human traits and become a collector.

        Likewise the prophecies of Agnes Nutter are entirely accurate, but the catch is that they are entirely accurate and if you live in the 17th century then the late 20th century isn't going to make a lot of sense. Her descendents lived off the proceeds of interpreting predictions, because what would you really do if you had an almanac of the future. The current owner Anathema Device wasn't initially bothered that there was no mention of her children. But she's not ten anymore and she's worried.

        The anachronisms are funny, but they also drive the plot onward. Ultimately the jokes come together to reveal the conclusion which is though provoking, Or at least it is if you stop to think about it.

        There's well over a hundred reviews of the book at Library Thing.

      • answered by alun on 03/18/2009
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    • I'd like to be a man in the Moon
      • Weren't we promised this by 2001?

        At one-sixth gravity, the Moon should help reduce the weight on my bones when I retire. I'll also be a lot less likely to break a hip if I stumble. Clavius Base would be the better part of the Moon to retire to. It's convenient for the southern highlands so there'd be nice scenery. It should also be daytripping distance from Tycho where I could see the Magnetic Anomaly.

        I realise Clavius Base doesn't actually exist yet, but if money's no object then it could be built. The map is Baikonur, probably the most economic place to launch the materials from. Unless the budget extends to building a space elevator too, in which case Ecuador or the Pacific might be better.

      • answered by alun on 03/17/2009
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    • Olympic legend, that's me
      • I have run at the Olympic Stadium, but only the original one. Writing about the ancient Olympics is the only way I'll be getting into Sports Illustrated. I thought a while back that I had discovered something original about the ancient Olympics, but after a couple of years trying to track down a few loose ends, it was clear the ends were far too loose to be plausible.

      • answered by alun on 03/16/2009
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    • Seat me next to the quiet starer, please
      • The only exception I can think of was an overnight trip from Huaraz to Lima where I met some young German men. They spoke in the carefree manne…

      • answered by alun on 03/15/2009
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