• bobadobalina
      • hello David
      • Username: bobadobalina
      • In response to: "What's the one thing you're never gonna give up?" I am never going to give up breathing. Breathing has become a part of my everyday life. In fact, it is so ingrained in my psyche, that I actually do it in my sleep.
  • bobadobalina's latest answers
    • My Superhero's Special Power

      • If you could have any super power is probably the top pot talk subject next to the atom in the fingernail of a giant thing. Because I have smoked, I mean because I have given this matter a great deal of thought to this subject I have a very refined idea.



        Being able to fly would be cool. You could get places quickly and without having to deal with being stripped searched by some TSA rent a cop who is on probation herself.

        But what are you going to do when you get where you are going? You still have to have money.

        "Hey I can fly!"

        "Great, it's still $7.50 for the latte."

        I suppose you could use flying power to make money. You could smuggle drugs, for example. But that would make it a job. What is so super about that?

        Everyone seems to go for the invisibility thing. You could get away with a lot of stuff if no one could see you. The girls locker room comes to mind.

        The major drawback is that, while you are invisible, other things are not. You can't steal because the money flowing in midair would be visible. Worse, you could only use your power while naked. That means no being super in Chicago in February. And what are you going to do when you are done being invisible? You would have to go home or some other location where you could stash clothes.

        Super strength is great if you want to break things. Xray vision would be lame as I don't find a girl's pancreas to be that exciting. And one accidental glance into the ladies room at a nursing home would do me in. The power to make people fart almost won me over. It would cause endless hilarity but there is a backlash. Especially in Mexican restaurants.

        I am going for mind control. Not like hypnotism or fake vampire crap. I mean the ability to truly bend others to my will.

        Whatever I wanted, I could get someone else to pay the price for it. Free flights, breaking things, hurting people, girls getting naked, even the fart control thing would all be mine for the asking.

        If the person I am controlling has to do something illegal for me, big deal. When they get caught what are they going to say? If the cops do decide to bother me about the 23 pounds of cocaine Miguel left at my door, they may just have a sudden desire to go to the country jail and shower with the guys they put in there.

        Obama hands the Presidency over to Sarah Palin then plays Lemming on the Cliffs with all his liberal pals. TV program directors stop with the dumb ass reality shows. Muslim terrorists suddenly think Mohammad wants them to chew off their own nuts. My fiance is really okay with me banging Scarlett Johansen. The potential is endless.

        Mind control is the super power to have. Just ask televangelists or any girl with huge knockers.


      • answered by bobadobalina on 08/07/2010
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    • The Funniest Thing I've Ever Heard a Child Say

      • I can think of plenty of funny things I have heard kids say. Things like "Daddy, why did you tell that lady with the big boobs you didn't know me?"

        But the knee-slapping funniest happened when my friends were teaching their little girl to talk.

        The apartment they lived in looked out over the parking lot. When the garbage truck came, the little girl would run to the window to watch the fascinating process of emptying the dumpsters.

        As the kid watched the guys, black men, working, the mom would say "Trash! They are taking the trash!"

        The little girl would parrot "Trash! Trash!"

        One evening we were all at the mall when we came upon a family of black people.

        My friends' little girl pointed at them and started yelling excitedly "Trash! Trash!"



      • answered by bobadobalina on 08/05/2010
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    • When the Lights Go Out

      • Lightning!

        Everyone says the same thing: the thunderstorm that puts the light out will be entertaining. I have to agree with that.

        A tornado makes it even cooler. You can only see them coming when the lightning flashes. So you flinch every time the sky lights up. It's better than a Freddy Kruger movie.

        The problem is that the power doesn't come back on as soon as the storm ends. Those worthless power company slackers can take hours to get it back on. How hard can it be? Look for wires hanging down, put them back up. Of course they are union so they probably get a two hour coffee break for every time they use electrical tape.

        So, while they are sucking down Starbuck's, I have to find something to do.

        Mostly what I do is go around the house mindlessly trying to use things that require electricity. "Oh shit, that's right. The (insert noun here) won't work without power."

        They tell you to keep a battery powered radio around in case of a blackout.Have you listened to the stuff you can get on a battery powered radio today?Boredom is a better choice. In fact, a coma is a better choice.

        I could listen to music on my iPhone. But doing that in the dark without being stoned is really not that appealing. MTV ruined musical imagery.

        Masturbation is out since porn on a cell phones is worthless. Unless you have a thing for Lilliputians. Plus there is using one hand to hold it and having to turn the screen back on all the time. Not to mention stumbling around in the dark trying to find tissues.

        Oh yes, NEVER have sex just for something to do. The result of that will cost you years of misery and thousands in college tuition.

        By the way. How come, when the lights are on, I know where everything in the house is and can unthinkingly go right to it but, in the dark, I may as well have parachuted into an unexplored jungle.

        The short answer is that I occupy my time during a power outage by trying to figure out having to occupy my time during the power outage.






      • answered by bobadobalina on 08/03/2010
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    • The Beginning of My Memoir

      • It wasn't dark, stormy or night yet the Universe was poised on the brink of upheaval. Little did it know that one empty condom box during one evening in September would lead to a complete redefinition of physics and order.

        I assume I am dead or almost dead if you are reading my memoir. Therefore physics won in the end.

        Between the start and the finish, however, is a fascinating story of love, an STD scare, arrest warrants in Haiti, beer, psychotic women and watching TV.

        So fill up the whiskey glass, syringe or whatever you are using to get you through my written home movie. Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale....

      • answered by bobadobalina on 08/01/2010
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