Ah, the super power question. This is a topic near and dear to my heart, and one that has been dwelt upon with love for quite some time.

I would say that the realization of what I wished I could do probably came to me during those horrible bus rides when concentrating on whatever book I was reading was virtually impossible because of the noise level. I would wish that I could wave my hand and suddenly everyone would be silent - not that they couldn't still speak, but that I couldn't hear them, like I had sound-proofed the air around me. Then I would wish that I could do the same thing at night when the sound of the TV would keep me awake.

That was my fantasy for a long time and then, one day at work, a co-worker of mine asked me if I could have one, singular power, what would it be. By this time I had refined my fantasy power, and so easily answered that if I could have any power it would be complete and total control and manipulation/creation of sound.

This no longer just meant sound-proofing the air around me. It now included the ability to manipulate the sound waves around other people. For example, I could make it so that only one person in a group could hear me or not hear me. I could mess with people's heads. I could destroy things using resonance. I could place sound markers on anyone I wanted to; could talk to anyone I wanted at anytime, making them hear me even if we were across the world.

It is a grandiose power, to me, one that I love to fantasize using and exploring the boundaries of. No other super power has ever held as much attraction for me as this seemingly simple one does.

As with most people, there are multiple little things that bother me - ticks people have that are annoying; small things that if they aren't done just so distract me until I have "fixed" them; sounds, light, certain peoples' faces, etc. Most of my pet peeves have to do with sound, I would say. I know that my biggest one does.

Chewing the cud

I don't know when it began, but it hasn't been all of my life that I have abhorred the sound of people chewing food, or weird slurping, sucky mouth sounds in general. If I can hear the person next to me chewing, it completely grosses me out and I have to get away from them (or glare at them until they remember and get up of their own volition). I even gross myself out sometimes when I am eating, if the room is quiet enough and I don't have anything particular on my mind.

Can you lose something you're not sure you actually ever had? I don't know. But it is, of course, possible that at one point in my life I had more confidence than I do now. Maybe. In any case, if I had it, I've pretty much lost it, and I wouldn't mind getting even a smidgen of it back.

~ may you fly free in your heart with confidence and joy ~

Confidence, or rather, self-confidence, is something that most people struggle with, I know. I don't want to sound like I think I'm the only person that has ever doubted herself constantly or is thrown into turmoil at the smallest unkindness. I know that it is not unique to me. But this is not to say that it is in any way something that should be dismissed, because it is something that truly affects me every day.

I probably have more to say about this, but I have lost my train of thought. Something about how terribly easy it is for me to believe myself of little value to anyone around me, and something else about crying jags and loneliness. I don't actually know that it would be all that interesting, so I'm just going to leave it at this:

What frustrates me most about my feelings of worthlessness is that I know that I am worth something to God. That Jesus saw me and the whole mess that I am and still died for me and loves me. And I know that even if I were alone, truly and literally alone, in the whole world and the only person that did love me was God, then He would be enough. I am not alone and there is a good number of people that care about me and believe that I am worth time and love and care. It frustrates me that even with the love of so many people, even with the love of GOD, I still find it hard to believe myself worth anything.