Joey R - Plinky Answers

I'm only the best library scientist like, ever.

2009-03-09T22:55:14-06:00

I certainly do not play around on the internet all day when I'm at work, which is were I am RIGHT NOW. No siree. I'm 'information gathering' and 'e-skills utilizing'. Yes. Precisely.

Sometimes I help people find books and answer many and varried odd questions. I can tell you the effectiveness percentage of different forms of suicide and how much Bolivia spent on healthcare in 2008, but no, I can't get you the mayor's home phone number so you can report all! the! spies! with the spying! in your television.

Libraries are magical places, y'all.

Shark, FTW

2009-03-09T22:47:33-06:00

A bear can't breathe underwater, STUPID.

God I am so smart it kills me.

What's that, you say? A fight on la...

Oh.

(By the way, there's totally a 'jumped the shark' joke in here but I am too tired to make it. You could tell? Hmph.)

My favorite line from 'Watchmen'

2009-03-06T23:21:13-06:00

"When you left me, I left Earth."

Don't we wish they'd all do that?

(I kid.)

Really, it's just a sweet, endearing, and still totally painful line about a conflicted relationship, recently ended. The character who says it, Doctor Manhattan, is at once distant and remote, and yet entirely relatable. A heartreaking character, line, and scene.

(nerd sigh)

Don't say 'chillax' around me

2009-03-05T18:43:14-06:00

chillax
This one needs no explanation. Just jump on board with me. Together, we'll cross the globe and slaughter everyone who uses this word. Unless it means something else in a different language. Then we'll just colonialize those folks, teach them English (including acceptable options 'chill out' and 'relax') but never, NEVER this word.

And I know this whole colonialization thing is a bit harsh, but really, it's what we must do to ensure this word is Never. Spoken. Again.

(Now that I'm looking at this...'folks' kinda blows, too. Oops.)

Jazz hands would set this country straight

2009-03-04T21:27:51-06:00

Well, maybe 'straight' isn't the best word. But they would set this country HAPPY.

Try doing jazz hands and frowning. Go ahead.

Couldn't do it, could you? Felt that smile creep up, even though you wanted to fight it? DON'T FIGHT IT!

Just go with it. Trust me.

Takesies backsies!

2009-03-04T21:14:05-06:00

I would like to do over that one time I said "you should totally kill yourself".

First of all, the 'totally' was unnecessary, and made me sound like a valley girl. And the rest? Well....yeah.

I kind of hope that now you're left wondering if this is one of my (admittedly typical) joke answers, or if I'm serious.

OH MY GOD, YOU'LL NEVER REST AGAIN.

I wish I could have...hot water. Yes. That would be nice.

2009-03-04T21:10:37-06:00

I am totally serious here.

With the FRIGID, ICY Southern California winters, I've taken to showering at friend's houses. Unless I'm drunk, and then I'm totally fine with showering in cold water. To be honest, this happens more than showering at friend's places.

The background is that my roomie and I are in the process of converting a not-really-meant-to-be-a-living-space into a an actual living space. We've, uh, painted some walls so far. And we're working on that hot water business. It's just, we're busy as fuck, y'all.

And did I mention drunk?

Oh yeah, we live above a bar.

It all makes sense now, doesn't it?

(And I'm not really as poor, cheap, sad, lazy, or dirty as this all makes me sound.)

(Love me, please.)

'Old School' was a bad choice to watch with the family

2009-02-28T16:10:25-06:00

My mom had rented it, and my dad and I stayed up to watch it. 3 times in a row.

However. (!)

The instructional blowjob scene? Silence. Just...silence.

My advice is to go big or go home

2009-02-17T18:57:03-06:00

Showgirl Video

Hoop earrings can never be too big. I mean this with all of my heart.

Prodigy. Because I was one.

2009-02-05T15:27:04-06:00

Actually, no. No I wasn't.

I did start off in Prodigy message boards, and (I think; it's hard to remember back that far, I'm totally serious) chat rooms, but I harldy knew my way around, or what I was doing. I wasn't using the internet for homework (unheard of) and I was too shy and awkward to understand/attempt social networking (yes, too shy to flirt...online) so I pretty much just hung out and read the opinions of largely moronical people.

Really, I was quite the internet idiot.

I am so! glad! much has changed since then.

Dream Team presidential cabinet

2009-02-03T13:39:56-06:00

Together, we can build one bitchin' cabinet, y'all!

Oak
They're flowering plants, did ya know? And sure, there are white oaks, but there are red oaks, too. Diversity!

Birch
And speaking of diversity, birch can be silver, white, red, OR "mellow" yellow!

Mahogany
Yeah. I think you know why.

If you pay me enough, I'll sing these songs at a karaoke bar

2009-02-02T15:06:35-06:00

Just a Friend by Biz Markie

Who says white girls can't rap? Other than GOD AND NATURE...

Jolene by Dolly Parton

It's really fun to depress an entire bar's worth of people.

Panama by Van Halen

Pretty much the official 'fight your way outta a bar, hop in the muscle car, and peel outta the parking lot' anthem. You know, just another Monday night.

Glad I kept the receipt

2009-02-01T18:39:54-06:00

This one time, my parents gave me the 'gift' of life. Whatever. It's not like I asked for it. THANKS A LOT, YOU GUYS.

If I were a superhero, I would certainly wear tights

2009-01-31T12:39:25-06:00

Hey, I'm wearing tights right now! I'm like half superhero by default because of this, right?

I'd be like Oracle. I already have my MLIS (librarin learnin') like Oracle (aka Batgirl...who was a librarian...yeah I'm a nerd I'll stop now I'm sorry) so that's the other half of a superhero right there.

So in summation, I am totally already a superhero. Get me some coffee.

In defense of my vice:

2009-01-29T22:41:24-06:00

Hey, if huffing glue is good enough for Charlie...

When I realized I was a grown-up

2009-01-29T22:39:18-06:00

A what now?

If I could tame a wild animal

2009-01-29T22:34:06-06:00

A cheetah. I will never be late anywhere ever again. Maybe.

My ideal Super Bowl halftime show would include kittens!

2009-01-29T22:33:12-06:00

kittens!
Puppy Bowl, FTW