SEX SELLS (Girls just wanna have fun)

Well... Let's start this out with what DOESN'T get better with age.

1) Sex. I don't care who you are, sex does not get better with age. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that us women don't hit our prime until our thirties and I'll give you that one. But think about it - is sex really going to be that great when you're 60 or 70 years old? Will you even be able to perform anymore? You're partner is obviously going to have a wretched antique piece of junk all jacked up on Viagra and the whole time you're probably wondering if this is going to be the time you crack your hip. Thanks, but I think I'll pass.

2) Milk. Milk is not like wine or whiskey. It does not age well. Have you ever woke up in the morning half asleep and went to take a pull off the milk jug only to be surprised by some rancid chunks sliding down your throat? Well I have and it's not a memory I look upon fondly.

3) Your driving. I am a firm believer that everyone over the age of 55 or 60 (just like the highway speed limit) should be tested every year to make sure they are still capable of driving a couple thousand pound death trap. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're in a hurry and all the sudden an Oldsmobile pulls out right in front of you and proceeds to go 15mph in the 35. You curse and swear and honk and swerve around only to find none other than an old fogey squinting through their bifocals, behind the wheel. Then you feel bad that you just cursed out someone old enough to be your grandfather's grandma.

Just so you know - I will never have that problem when I get old. I'll be the crazy lady with purple hair driving 20mph over the speed limit, flipping the bird, and hollering profanities out my window at you young dumb fuckers. Wait for it.


Now that we've accomplished what doesn't get better with age, I suppose we can move on to what does get better.

1) Men. Helllllooooo Silver Foxes around the world. I love you with all my post adolescent loins something fierce! Not all men get better with age, but there's enough that it made the number one slot on my list. I won't mention any names, but I'm sure you all have at least 5 silver foxes in your head now. Too bad that their looks get better while their sex drive decreases. What a sad existence.

2) Whiskey. Most of you know that I'm part of that awesome sober crowd now, aka Doodleannie vs. Prohibition, but whiskey will always make my list of the top things that get better with age. All I have to say is go have a Jack Daniels on the rocks and then go throw some dough towards a nice aged whiskey, neat, and come tell me what you find out.

3) Wisdom. Yeah, it's cheesy (hey, that gets better with age too!) but it's so true. Wisdom is a fail safe. It will always get better with age because wisdom comes from living. As long as you are living your life, you will continually add more and more items to your wisdom bank. It's something that I greatly envy of my mother, my father, and my grandparents. Their resilience towards any situation or problem that comes about. The fact that they always seem to have the best answer, even if I don't want to hear it. I love that. It's just one of a few things I really look forward to as I get older.


So there you have it. My top three list of things that don't age well and things that do. Some are shocking, some are simple - what would be on your list?

Three of my favorite songs - they must be included on a road trip mix. These are songs that you 1.) Can't help but sing along to; and 2.) Just wanna dance in your seat to.