OMG! CHEWY GOBSTOPPERS UNTIL I DIE!!

seriously tho, have you tried to find that shit in stores? IMPOSSIBLE. wonkafail.

Yacht w/in a Yacht Panic Room
Let's say, hypothetically, that my multi-million dollar yacht has a titanic 2 episode - what the hell am I supposed to do? Definitely NOT panic, because my yacht has a "Yacht w/in a Yacht Panic Room", which is basically what it sounds like. Remember that Jodie Foster movie with that girl from Twilight (who, btw, looks WAY better with short hair and all androgynous)? Well, if anything terrible happens, head down to the Yacht w/in a Yacht Panic Room!

It separates itself from the failure of the larger yacht and it's "smooth sailing" from there. Haha. Oh puns. It'll be awesome.

five stages:

confidence: they're fucking zombies, they're slow as hell and stupid to boot! if i, as an overconfident twenty something, cannot destroy them, no one can. especially with so much technology at my fingertips and a rag tag team of diverse buddies and acquaintances.

doubt: um... wait. they want to eat me? and they're violent in an unthinking bloodthirsty mass kind of way? hmm... and i didn't take track in high school. shin splints!

fear: oh god, they're fucking ZOMBIES! and not just that, they're the running/weapon wielding sort! WE'RE DOOMED!

acceptance: i've lived a full life. sure, i never knew true love, i didn't really add anything to the world or created some amazing new way of thinking, buy those sneakers i really wanted or even had a dog. but still... it was okay.

heroic comeback: fuck acceptance of a half-lived life! someone give me a monster truck, chainsaw, a bearded ryan gosling and an adventurous/inspiring instrumental soundtrack. come on rag tag team of diverse buddies and acquaintances, let's be americans and our battle cry will be to take back something we feel entitled to but not necessarily deserve!