...and that's when she took out the duct tape.

OH, my. You surprised me. I didn't see you there reading my Plonk. So you like surprises? Well, then read on, Gentle Plinker...

Being born
It really took me for a loop. I was having a grand time, not existing, then I'm yanked from the ether and slapped. It's been downhill ever since.

My parents divorce
It was interesting to see them split up. My mom confided in me years later that she'd wanted to leave since I was two, but the old man threatened to have his friends say she tried to sleep with them. He told her he'd get full custody and not see us ever again.

He was a bit of a bastard, and not the fun kind like me. Explains all the broken dinnerware now that I think about it.

Some people find me attractive
I was in a relationship I didn't like for six years before I was hit with this one: I didn't have to settle.

She walked into my life and slapped me hard; almost as hard as that doctor son-of-a-bitch from my birthday all those years ago. For a couple of months, I felt on top of the world, free from my own constraints, and unaware of the emotional fallout that was about to hit when she moved on in her whirlwind lovelife.

One person wanted me forever
And I've got my fingers crossed for this one, 'cause I finally am with someone who likes me as much as I do her.