Love and Marriage

A Friend Through Life
Each day I wake next to my very best friend. He has known me inside and out for the past 27 years. No matter what state of mind I'm in, whether happy, sad, distraught, confused, sick, silly, or contemplative, he knows what I need and who I am.
I married my best friend 23 years ago. Who we are today is different than who we were back then, but who we are today is also the same as we were back then. Life changes people, yet, to some extent, our core human nature and values tend to remain the same.
My best friend has humor, ethical values to the core, compassion, honesty, commitment, work ethic, love and sexiness. I knew that when I married him, but I now know the extent of these virtues through the blessings of life's experiences, both good and bad, that have come our way. I’ve learned to expect certain reactions, certain comments, and certain gestures from him; like an aged slipper, warm, comfortable and secure.
It hasn’t always been this way. As we raised our son and worked to establish our jobs and homes, we also worked to establish who we were as a married couple. We were young when we started. We had love and idealism. We both knew our roles as husband and wife, but didn’t realize our roles as partner for life. This is a much more difficult concept. To understand we needed to figure out how to communicate, how to fight without demeaning each other, how to serve each other when it’s not easy. But most importantly we learned how to give trust and respect that is deserved.
No one said life would be easy, and no one said marriage would be easy. If anyone tells you differently, I question whether they are human. Every human fails, hurts, and grapples with life. My best friend and I are no different. But celebration in life comes from this brokenness. You may wonder how this can be. My opinion is that without failure we cannot learn strength, hope, love, and endurance. All of these qualities are necessary in order to trudge through those pains, difficulties and heartaches. Together, my best friend and I overcome and together we celebrate.
My best friend and I know who we are as individuals, but more importantly we know who we are as a couple. This helps us understand and react to life in a way that makes us better, not worse. The ups and downs we take and will continue to take are part of the journey. I feel privileged to have started this journey 27 years ago and I am excited to continue this journey alongside my best friend for the rest of our lives.

There are moments in our lives that we will never forget. These are what define who we are.

She just walked away. Her head hung and her eyes spoke of rejection, hurt, and loneliness. The group of girls were standing around in a circle on the playground. Their noses in the air and the rounds of laughter rang as they felt the power of humiliating the new girl who had just come out to try to make her way into the pack.

Middle school girls are always on the lookout for any unsuspecting victim to give them a step up into popularity. Anyone they can demean so that their clothes, their hair, their humor can be captured over that of any other girl is the focus each and every day.

Jen gave it a shot that day. After lunch she conjured up the courage to attempt to conform to this middle school upper class. Her smile was bright her shoulders back and her step was light.
"Hi!" she said with such anticipation and expectation. "What are you guys doing?"

That was when it happened. One girl from this group, who wanted that day to claim her spot, pointed at Jen and started laughing.

"Oh my Gosh, look at the booger on the end of her nose." And just so everyone would notice her she said it even louder. "Look everyone, Jen has a booger nose."
Laughter and teasing began immediately.


While the entire group laughed, Shelby stood silent. She wanted to belong to this popular group, but the history she had with Jen was pulling very strong. Memories of Kindergarten plays, weekend sleepovers, and summer fun ran through her mind as she watched Jen walk away.

To go to her now would be a devastating blow to a place in the pack. Maybe they might even find something to tease her about. This was too great a risk. There were 2 years left in middle shool and popularity was everything. Jen would surely forgive Shelby someday, wouldn't she?

Years later Shelby still remembers that defining moment. Somehow, years later Jen and Shelby did renew their friendship. But, this incident was never spoken of. Did it affect Jen as much as it affected Shelby? How could it not have. Shelby wondered what would have happened if she had spoken up for her friend that day. One thing is for sure, She's sure glad life doesn't hinge on popularity in adulthood. Or does it?