Lily - Plinky Answers

Technology's Impact on Families

2011-01-22T18:18:50-06:00

What is this an essay topic in English 101? Even the default title smacks of it.

This is a tricky gray area

2010-10-23T08:33:54-06:00

Optimist or pessimist?

Son, I don't flow with either shite. Pragmatist, baby, hollaaaaaaaaa

(This is the image that came up when I typed in pragmatist. ::nods and strokes beard of pragmatism::)

Only you can prevent wild fires

2010-03-27T00:51:25-06:00

When it involves smoking.

(I really dislike smoking.)

MacGruber would have been proud

2010-03-06T01:51:11-06:00

I bought something from a vending machine, but the item was stuck up there so I used that wooden rod dowel thing from the paper-towel holder and I used it to violate the opening of the machine and I finally got my damn Ruffles, consarnit.

I get around

2010-01-28T23:20:31-06:00

At first I thought it was asking me about being a whore. Then I remembered I don't get paid, and that I actually meant a slut.

Epic joke

2009-12-05T00:18:09-06:00

There was a period in my life where I read basically every joke (and their different variations) on the Internet. I really have no idea why I did such an inane thing, but that means that 99% of the time, you can't tell me a joke I haven't heard before. You'll have to impress me in another way, loser.

With that said, here's a recreation of one of the first jokes I ever read that turned me into some weird little joke-reading robot:

(May be tl;dr.)

Heaven was really busy one day, so St. Peter decided that he would only let in one third of the people for the day. He decided that whoever had the worst deaths would be able to get in first.

He went up to the first person and asked how he died.

"Well, I had suspected that my wife was cheating on me, so I came home early to try to catch her in the act. When I opened the door, I heard the shower running, so I checked around the apartment to see if I could find the other guy. I went into my bedroom to see the fucker trying to climb down the balcony! So I tried pushing him off, but he held on! I grabbed a hammer to try to crush his fingers and he finally let go, but he landed in the bushes, alive! So I pushed my refrigerator out the window and it crushed him to death, but then I felt so guilty about what I did that I shot myself."

St. Peter nodded sympathetically and moved onto the second person and asked how he died.

"I had just bought a new exercise tape, so I was trying the moves out on my balcony. Somehow, I lost my balance and fell over, but I managed to hold on to the balcony railing below mine. All of a sudden, some crazy guy comes out of nowhere and starts screaming and trying to push me off!! I fought back as hard as I could to hold to on, but he came out with a hammer and crushed all the bones in my fingers. Luckily, I fell in some bushes, alive, but then something big like a refrigerator came over me and now I'm here."

St. Peter nodded sympathetically and moved onto the third person and asked how he died.

"Imagine this: you're naked, in a refrigerator..."

P. S.
A bus full of nuns crashed and they promptly went up to Heaven. St. Peter went to the first nun and asked if she had ever touched a man's penis.

"Yes, but only with the tip of my finger."

"Dip that finger in that font of Holy Water and say one Hail Mary."

She did so, and St. Peter went to the second nun and asked if she had ever touched a man's penis.

"Yes, but only with my hand."

"Dip that hand in that font of Holy Water and say three Hail Mary's."

She did so, and St. Peter went to the third nun and asked if she had ever touched a man's penis, but before she could answer, the fourth nun pushed her out of the way and yelled, "I"m not gargling in that crap after she dunks her ass in!"

You've got to come on this ride

2009-09-17T19:53:21-06:00

Poke a Hot Ass.

No explanation needed.

Music sounded better live

2009-09-10T20:41:10-06:00

When I was your age, we didn't even have recording formats! All we had was a string and a stick, and all our music was live! You crazy kids, get off my lawn!

Shut up

2009-08-29T12:17:16-06:00

I hate questions like these... it's one thing to call a guilty pleasure a guilty pleasure, why add the statement, "What do you do but don't tell anyone you do?" Any question/meme that asks you to reveal something you've never revealed before riles me up because IF YOU DIDN'T REVEAL IT BEFORE, WHY NOW?? Sure, you're protected by the "anonymity" of the internet, but who is going to choose to admit something they chose not to admit before purely because the internet told them to? (Sadly, I think many.)

And how does a guilty pleasure TV show warrant secrecy? My guilty pleasure show is Gossip Girl, ZOMG but I've told a bunch of people I watch it, what should I pick now?????

Or konomama secret?

2009-07-24T21:00:03-06:00

SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!

'Clash of the Titans' scared the shiznit out of me...

2009-07-21T22:16:30-06:00

...when I was a child.

I must have been about eight or nine? And it wasn't Harry Hamlin that scared me. It was Medusa! Freaked me the fuck out!

We were first learning about Greek mythology in school, and I totally thought it was all real, before Christianity set me on the monotheistic path (huhWHUT???). So it so happened that Clash of the Titans was showing on television around that time and there I was watching the movie home alone with only my blanket to hold onto and suddenly it seems like Medusa comes crawling out like an animatronic slug with glowing yellow eyes and hair worse than mine. I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped simply watching Medusa on TV wouldn't turn me to stone!

When I saw the movie again in my teens, I was like, "Wow, what was I so scared of?? Also, that owl's fucking annoying."

This isn't funny

2009-07-12T15:34:46-06:00

What a difficult question to answer, so I won't even attempt at one, so really, I just wasted my time and yours.

We walk

2009-06-25T21:41:40-06:00

I usually walk and take the subway. I bike for leisure not travel, I haven't the balls yet to bike around NYC (yet?), even though plenty o' folks do it.

Least interesting prompt (for me) ever.

Tastes like chicken egg

2009-06-18T23:26:05-06:00

When genetic information in somatic cells mutate, it doesn't change the physical appearance of the animal (except possibly the appearance of tumors), but when genetic info in reproductive cells mutate, it is inherited by the offspring. So, a dinosaur can't transform into a chicken, but it can give birth to a egg housing a mutated dinosaur, or something that begins to resemble a chicken. And on and on and on.

This is the gist of what Ms. Repole explained. She was my bio teacher!

Kitteh

2009-05-08T17:15:54-06:00

Why do you feel affinity for this species?
Leave me alone.

Cheap meals

2009-05-06T20:26:38-06:00

I have a few.

Shin Ramyun

- Pasta with sauce! OMG I LOVE PASTA WITH SAUCE AND SPINACH.

- Shin Ramyun from Nong Shim with a raw poached egg, sometimes with Napa cabbage. Sometimes.

- A dollar mai fun (rice noodles), now $1.25, from the street vendor.

- A banana with milk. It's called breakfast, the most important meal of the day.

I probably have some more, because I'm frugal, but these are the ones that come to mind first. And yes, I still eat them because not only are they quick and tasty, I'm still broke.

I'm on fiah

2009-05-01T12:40:28-06:00

When I was on my high-school volleyball team, we won every single game we played (no losses) so we got a bye card in the quarterfinals and then went on to win the division. Sure, I didn't play a single game because for some reason that year a million girls signed up (I was new and seniority rules), but it was still kinda awesome.

I'm pretty sure that was, figuratively, the most on fire I'd ever been (I've had a very sad life), except the time when I was literally on fire (I've had a very sad life). No worries, it was just the tiny pyromaniac in me burning things. I'm no scar.

I find everything offensive

2009-04-24T12:23:02-06:00

In no particular order. Also, I love lists!

People who waste paper.
(I originally spoonerized it: People who paste waper.) They just print everything willy-nilly (96 pages) and then are aghast when it all comes spewing out. Furthermore, they just toss what they don't need in the wastepaper basket rather than try to recycle it. They are not the only people who do it, and I see it nearly everyday. It's aggravating. I try to explain to them it's wasteful and they're like, "Oh, it's free." I'll give you something free, too: she's called Bertha and she's shaped like my fist.

People who smoke.
I don't care if it's outside, they are still bothering nonsmokers with their smoke. After all, just because it's outdoors rather than indoors doesn't mean you are not annoying anyone. You know smoke, like, doesn't stay in one place, right? I think people shouldn't walk and smoke. I hate running ahead so I can stay upwind of the smoker so I don't get treated to the fumes. I mean, it's one thing if I know someone is smoking in one spot, but to be enjoying my walk or the weather or something and all of a sudden this gaseous poison just lands on my face ruins everything. It's like someone walked by your restaurant table and decided to just surprise-fart in your face as you were enjoying your meal. There are other things you do (or should) not do in public that doesn't lead to everyone getting up in arms about an encroachment of rights; why not smoking?

People who stand in front of me on the subway.
It's not a crowded train. There are even a couple of seats available. So why are you standing right in front of me? (I'm standing at the door, so I can't move backwards.) Trying to assert your dominance? Claim a spot? Bitch, I ain't moving.

People who are rude.
I can't really list one-by-one individual behaviors that offend me anymore. There are plenty.

People who are close-minded.
Let's say you try to explain to them they are wrong. Like, factually wrong. They do not listen. They can't even accept the fact that they COULD be wrong, so they yell at you. WTF, dude. It makes you looks ignorant AND stupid. And, it's also rude. (And people who are close-minded to opinions too.)

Sexual harassers.
Stfu, stfd & diaf kthxbye

Douchebags, pricks, dicks, and assholes (and jerks).
Yeah.

Everything else.
I'm exaggerating, but I do not have time to list anymore -- I could be here all day! I have to finish reading. (And it's more like, "Almost everything else.")

April Fool's: Now who's laughing, now who's laughing?

2009-04-01T13:50:52-06:00

Chase it with a unicorn!