marc p - Plinky Answers

Here's what I'd tell the aliens.

2009-07-17T11:06:45-06:00

Greetings and Salutations little green men (LGM),

Based on the absurd amount of intergalactic exploration you've been doing, its apparent to me that you don't have a great deal of leisure and/or fun back home wherever that may be. That being said, on your long journey back home, I have created a small care package.

It consists of:
a powerhour mixed CD of all 90's bands
a case of Budlight
an Xbox360 w/ Halo 3
the entire Harry Potter collection of books and adjoining movies
Poprocks and a 12 pack of pepsi

Enjoy some downtime, its not all about advancing your species, its about enjoying your one LGM life.

p.s. track 8 on the powerhour CD is probably the greatest song of all time, if you find yourself belting out "i don't practice santeria, I aint got no crystal balllll", do not feel ashamed, I do too.

I'll get around to one of these days

2009-07-16T13:19:27-06:00

Right now at this phase of my life I am avoiding working hard. This will take a tragic turn for the worst in approximately 4 weeks however when I start law school. Rumor has it you can't just breeze through law school, godamn shame too because I'd write the book on how to do so if I were that inclined. I don't know why, I'm content with enjoying my days as of late. I worked pretty hard my whole life in pretty much everything I've done (besides school), that these past 2-3 years have been nice not having standards set.

I used to have such a rigid schedule everyday:
Lifting, Classes, Track practice, study hall, and then chores like laundry or homework.

Now its:
Go to work, then home. Its great not having something set up to do. If someone says "hey wanna go get a beer?" I can say yes or I can say no, its not set in stone.

Come 4 weeks, it will be rigid once again, and I will have an uncomfortable transition getting back into it.

Someone stop me....please?

If I had to, I'd spend a week in a treehouse

2009-07-16T13:13:14-06:00

Growing up I've done the whole 'camping' thing, and I worked in a nuclear weapon-safe bunker a few years back and they were both lame. I'd like to try occupying a tree house 100's of feet high for a week or so, I feel like it'd be entertaining.

My only points of concern are:
Where do I pee? Furthermore where do I poop?
Is there running water and/or central air in this 'treehouse'?
Can I bring a leprechaun with me to play card games?

'Event Horizon' is not safe for children.

2009-07-16T13:10:48-06:00

Ok, for starters I don't get scared often during movies. I typically laugh at supposedly 'scary' movies and horror movies don't turn my stomach the way they're supposed to. I've grown a rock solid foundation and reputation on the fact that nothing bothers me, including death. Sadly I could watch a snuff film eating a bowl of cereal and not be any less the wiser or moved. With that being said, Event Horizon scared me on a whole new level. The writer (philip eisner) has to be sick in the head.

I won't spoil the movie for anyone but the overall plot stems around a machine that can transport people away through 'wormholes'. So instead of hopping a plane from NYC To London, you'd turn this machine on and flip a switch and be there instantly. Problem was that in its dry run, the space ship equipped with this machine went off the grid, and then surfaced again years later with a really cryptic scary message coming from the captain in latin that said "save me". So they send a whole crew out into space using typical space travel to find out what happened. Thats when shit hits the fan and you find out where this ship has been, how crazy the creator of the machine was, and all sorts of good one-liners from laurence fishburne. Creeped me out badly....so I bought the DVD.

'City on Down' is on my summer soundtrack

2009-07-16T13:03:39-06:00

City on Down by O.A.R.

First time I heard this song live was with a bunch of good friends, on the lawn at the best ampitheater in the world. Didn't get much better.

Lie in Our Graves by Dave Matthews Band

sing this one out loud.

Mr. Jones by Counting Crows

I sang this one at Karaoke during a huge festival last September, I won a tshirt, and I can't find that tshirt, but I remember the song.

'The Unlikely Disciple' will help pass the time

2009-06-10T11:11:19-06:00

I'd bring this book because A: I'm not done reading it yet and B: its very entertaining. Its like a pseudofaux-undercover assignment in which a kid from an extremely secular University transfers to an extremely conservative bible-belt University. At first I thought it was going to be a truly comedic piece about a big partier who breaks all the rules at a school that enforces 46 pages full of them but it was actually a nice contrast. He absorbs all of Liberty U, and gives a really descriptive, telling account. Great read, still very funny, and truly eye opening.

'Beaker' sounds so sweet

2009-06-04T19:09:29-06:00

beaker
I just love the way it sounds.

Bulb

Cellar Door
stole this one from Donnie Darko, but it actually does have a soothing slippery smoothness to it doesn't it.

'Total Eclipse of the Heart' must be played at any good wedding

2009-06-02T19:04:49-06:00

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler

There are some characters in some scenes in some movies that will live on forever. The lead singer in the wedding band in 'Old School' is one of those characters. I won't spoil it for you, but godamn if you haven't seen it.

Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond

SWEEEEEEEEEEET CAROLINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BUM BUM BUM!

Shout by Temptations

a little bit softer now...a little bit softer now....a little bit softer now...a little bit softer now...A LITTLE BIT LOUDER NOW!

I wish track would get more respect

2009-05-23T22:38:25-06:00

Track & Field is the ultimate sport of physical/mental prowess. Track & Field is also the only sport that you can clearly compare the new against the old. In basketball, soccer, football, and the like you can say "Joe would have been so much better than John if he were playing against John today instead of 30 years ago". But the thing is you will never know definitively. Joe played 30 years ago, John plays now. Sure you can compare their stats, but they were playing against different competition theres no way to KNOW. In Track & Field, you know where you stand at any given time...for all time. It's black and white, its you against the clock. Sure you can win or lose, but you will ALWAYS know how good you were, are, will ever be.

Track & Field also holds a spot in my heart because it is the only sport that can test your faith every single practice. If you have never run track, this one is hard to explain. Basketball practice you do drills, you run laps, you shoot you do plays etc. Football you practice the offense, the defense, different formations, etc. In Track & Field, you push your body until it gives out on you...thats it. Sure there are tactics, there are specific workouts geared towards specific goals, but at the barebones of Track & Field to get better you need to hurt, you need to break yourself.

Track & Field is making your body do what it doesn't want to do so it can accomplish later what it wants to accomplish.

What makes Track even cooler on top of that is that ANYONE can do it. Not everyone can do it at the elite level, but ANYONE can run, throw, jump, and ANYONE can get better at running, throwing, jumping. Track and Field is a competition against yourself before it's a competition against anyone else, and thats what makes it great.

Essential software

2009-05-23T22:30:24-06:00

Software eh? I'd like to think that I'm original in that I'm not addicted to facebook or myspace. But if I didn't have iTunes...I'd be in trouble. My life is on iTunes. 30,000+ songs, movies, tv shows, podcasts...iTunes is the bees knees as far as I'm concerned. Not to mention, I couldn't do anything with my iPhone if it weren't for my iTunes.

iTunes = oxygen

Get lost in 'Too Fat to Fish' at the beach

2009-05-20T15:25:22-06:00

Its funnier than shit.

My preferred writing medium

2009-05-18T10:15:12-06:00

I prefer keyboard. With a keyboard, i can type uberfast, and I can just start spitting out random words until they form ideas or thoughts and then these thoughts or ideas can form into lumps of thoughts or ideas that actually starts to grow into a story. I can't do that while writing on paper, because all the thoughts in my head usually dissipate by the time they get to my hand because my hand can't keep up with my mind....on a keyboard it can.

To the graduating class of 2009

2009-05-18T10:11:04-06:00

Class of 2009:
As you embark on this brave new world I would like to prepare you with some pointers, tips, and common knowledge that the speakers at my high school graduation didn't bother to let me know.

Lesson 1:
College is, and will continue the tradition of being the best 4-5 years of your life. However, contrary to what teachers, parents, guidance counselors, and everyone else may have told you...a bachelors degree is as useful as Charmin' 2-ply. You cannot get a job with a bachelors degree, you cannot get an interview with a bachelors degree, you cannot get laid with a bachelors degree.

What you CAN get with a bachelors degree is a foot in the door to grad school, and a shitload of student loan debt. That is about it. Why do I tell you this? If you can find a good paying job, with security, benefits, and a chance for promotion...do it. Do not worry about college. Why all your friends come and go from overpriced private schools, you'll be the first one to actually start contributing to a 401k (which these days is also worth dogshit), but you'll be the only one with any type of security, and the first with your own apt. as all your friends move back home with their parents with no job skills, no future, and no money.

Lesson 2:
Specialize yourself. If you're going to go to college, and waste all sorts of money. Get yourself a specialized degree. This doesn't mean you can't study what you're passionate about, but do it with some thoughts in mind. Do NOT just get a general history degree, or general liberal arts degree. Get something specialized. If you're going to do history, do a specific area of history, and do a minor in a foreign language. Same goes for a business degree, DO A FOREIGN LANGUAGE. If you can speak 2,3,4 languages when you get out of school, this just adds 0's on the end of your salary.

Lesson 3:
You WILL NOT stay in touch with 90% of your high school friends. Get over it now. Its not for better its not for worse, it just happens. You will diffuse after high school, you will never have the same relationships, you will never have the same friendships, and by the time you get to your 10th high school reunion one of your friends from high school will have died, and at least one will be in jail. Its just the way of the world.

Lesson 4:
Don't sleep in this summer. Its your last chance of seeing most of your friends, don't pass up the opportunity by sleeping.

Lesson 5:
Smile...the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Martha will love my Gruel

2009-05-18T09:15:11-06:00

Gruel
As stated in the description of this prompt, how the hell do you possibly impress the queen of domesticity. Instead, why not just give her something you know shes going to despise, so she'll be upset and cook for you instead.

"what is this, is this actually gruel, oh no dear I will not eat gruel. Where is your kitchen? Here is a shopping list, go buy these things, here is my MarthaStewart Amex. Buy everything on this list and get yourself a delicious treat for the ride home in my chauffeured limo. Then we will make a pie crust together after the meal so you can see how it is done while I talk about how I avoided gang-rape in the showers of my minimal security resort prison."

Run along.

If only Ann Arbor, Michigan were closer to Columbus, Ohio

2009-05-07T12:31:09-06:00

If this even needs an explanation than its not worth it.

My childhood arch enemy

2009-05-04T14:51:09-06:00

By the time I was 10 years old I had already amassed a small red-army of enemies in my elementary school. I was by far the coolest 10 year old to ever hit the playgrounds, and I showed no remorse and no mercy when playing a 'leisurely' round of co-ed kickball. Leisurely my ass; the kickballs were always deflated, the pedophiliac gym-teacher named Mr. A never once bothered to disguise or cover his boner, and our playground for gym class bordered a low budget trailerpark littered with cigarette butts, used syringes, and the occasional dead hooker; so needless to say by the time Gym class rolled around I wasn't in the mood for friendships and "play-nice" mumbojumbo, I was out for blood and then cafeteria sloppy Jo's.

Thats when I met Donald. Donald decided one day to grace my unbeatable kickball squad with his presence. After committing two costly errors in the first inning, I called Donald a 'bedwetter', hoping he'd cry and sit down and we'd be one man down but our morale would be much higher. Didn't go as planned, Donald instead ran to the Principal's office and told Ms. White (notice shes not married), that I asked some of the girls to touch my private section.

Albeit my athletic skills were top notch, my powers of persuasion weren't where they are now; I couldn't argue my way out of suspension even though i said no such thing; the girls flirted with me all on their own. So Donald made my shitlist for the next 7 years of his life. Wait, I was 10, nevermind make that 14 years..........and counting.

I'm a cat person

2009-05-04T14:38:50-06:00

I'll never fully understand why, and I'll never really question it; but I like cats.

I have 3. Talula, Lucy, and Bruno. One has dwarfism, one has an overreactive pituitary gland (opposite of dwarfism), and one is shy and quiet (yes thats a handicap).

I love em all the same, and I treat em all the same as well. They typically eat better than I do on any given day, and they never get punished.

They will be the death of me.

My High School History Teachers will get my back

2009-04-30T09:37:45-06:00

My High School History Teachers
For some reason my high school was packed with nut job male teachers.
Mr. McCauley was in Vietnam, he was about 5'2, 140 lbs., but I've seen him personally beat the shit outa at least 3 students. I would never cross paths with McCauley.
Mr. Barber was also a nutjob. He looked like Hulk Hogan in his prime without the blond hair, and he would also give you little notice in beating the piss out of you. He also taught a mean economics class.
Mr. VanHusen, 6'4, 280 lbs. of muscle. He'd be the first one I sent into war against the machines if Judgement Day ever happened.
Last but not least, Mr. Pishko. He wore sunglasses to school every day, he had blond hair down to his shoulders, and he wore rings that had skulls on them. Rumor has it he killed 10 vietnamese soldiers with just his knife. He was my typing teacher, and he never showed up, he was there every class...but he never showed up. He was still in the rice paddies.

Dolphins are really running things on Earth

2009-04-22T21:19:04-06:00

Why do Dolphins run the show...simple.

In a survival of the fittest scenario dolphins have the upper hand.

Lets start off with some basics:

Natural Disasters? No...no such thing when you live in the ocean. Storms, hurricanes, tornados, tsunamis, the Patriots losing in the superbowl; you see Dolphins aren't susceptible to any of this.

Health? They swim all day, and they have fun all day jumping and and making that quasi-giggle noise and that weird hum...fun = no stress, no stress = low blood pressure...Dolphin FTW.

Predators? Not many. They are faster, more agile, and much cooler than most other animals in the ocean.

Reproduction? They love that shit. They are (according to wikipedia) the only other mammal that has sex for pleasure. Dolphins bang for fun...obviously they are more advanced then the other animals on this list.

Videogames? One of the most difficult videogames ever created was 'Echo The Dolphin' for Sega Genesis. Although only 16 bit, it provided 100 bit of fun and entertainment and hours upon hours of tediously pinpoint swimming skills.

Dolphins, you win.

'heeeeeere snowflake....I got a little snack for ya'

My money's on the gorilla

2009-04-15T12:14:01-06:00

3 Words: Lion King.

Hyenas are weak, if they were a tough or strong animal they would have been dubbed by someone other than Whoopie Goldberg. Everytime I think about a gorilla fighting a hyena, I just get this mental image of the Gorilla beating up Odamay Brown or taking the center-square for the steal. In both instances, I feel sorry for Whoopie Goldberg, as it was not her fault that she could hear Sam Wheat, and it was not her fault that her agent got her locked into a lifetime deal with Hollywood Squares; but in the end it doesn't matter because she was still the voice of a Hyena in LionKing, and both Mufasa and Simba laid ass-whoopins down.

RIP Mufasa.

First rule of relationships: Disagree About Things

2009-04-15T12:08:52-06:00

Disagree About Things
Two people are not the same, neither should their beliefs, thoughts, opinions, or tastes. If you don't disagree with your significant other on at least one thing a day, disaster is coming. Because you don't disagree, (even though you really do), that tension will build underneath the spoken words, maybe through your body language, or actions. Let it happen a few more times and it starts pressurizing in your head until finally it explodes, and all the disagreements you never spoke of; although miniscule; are now much bigger than before and blown way out of proportion. The end is near.

Be Able to Laugh at Yourself
If you can't take a joke, you don't deserve to be in a relationship anyways, but thats neither here nor there. If you can laugh at yourself; or rather realize that not everything is a big deal, or serious, or offensive; then you can brush off little things that may bother you about your significant other in the same way. If not, refer to Rule 1.

Hang Out With Your Friends
Pretty self-explanitory.

The next scene features me Jerry Maguire'ing my way outa here without being fired. (no fish will be harmed)

2009-04-15T12:03:08-06:00

If this is all a big play, the next scene will be me leaving my job in grand fashion. I'm attending law school in the Fall and my pseudo-career that I have built over the last two years will come toppling over. I do not especially enjoy my job, the lack of direction I receive from my arrogant boss, and the lack of vacation, paid overtime, and minutia I put up with on an hourly basis. Whats worse, I am the ONLY one at my occupation who knows how to do my occupation. Backfilling is going to be a bitch if I cut the strings early.

Uh oh...the shades have been drawn....the scene is about to start.

Where the fuck is my popcorn?

I dress to impress in my tuxedo shirt

2009-04-10T14:30:28-06:00

I have a tuxedo tshirt that I will sometimes wear when I'm looking to make a good impression. Most times when people catch a glance of the tuxedo T, they will usually do that thing with their eyebrows that means "godamn, I want a piece of that". I really can't explain the innerworkings of how the tuxedo T pulls off this kind of swagger without going out of it's way to draw attention, but...thankfully it does.

A haiku about Yes Man

2009-04-09T10:00:30-06:00

Classic Jim Carey
Funny family movie
Starring Zooey D.

When I grow up...

2009-04-06T14:39:39-06:00

When I grow up I want to be a kid all over again.

I I don't fart in public anymore to help the environment

2009-04-05T09:45:53-06:00

I read an article about the methane cows produced and it got me thinkin' ya know? Maybe if we all do our part by not farting in public...we can change a thing or 2...

I'm in the Hall of Fame of Oddities

2009-04-04T21:30:09-06:00

I am odd.

My life is a complicated drinking game to say the least. I am full of odd abilities and weird talents. Famous though? Probably not.

I was a finalist for MTV's 'The Real World', but didn't make the show so nobody will ever see me.

I was a 2 time All-American in college for Track & Field, but nobody pays attention to Track & Field so...

I have a video on YouTube with over 100,000 hits, but Avril Lavigne has over 100,000,000 hits so...

I can chug a bottle of beer (out of the bottle) in under 4 seconds, but chugging being added to the Summer Olympics isn't happening in my lifetime so...

I can type over 150 words per minute, but that sorta makes me antifamous

FML.

2009 Internet Fools' Day-facebook preggers scandal

2009-04-01T11:55:08-06:00

A friend of mine on facebook posted a status message saying "i can't believe I'm going to be a mommy". I fell for it. That crafty bitch.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe brings me back

2009-03-31T09:22:22-06:00

it was the first novel I ever read.

I get my news from the Internet

2009-03-31T09:17:13-06:00