I was at the Northwest YouTube gathering in Portland in 2009, sitting in the cleavage of two round tables that had been pushed together to try and cram our gigantic group in this tiny Denny's near the hotel. Everyone closed their menus and flattened them on the table face-up, to signal that they had decided and everyone else needed to hurry their shit up.

My friend Bill had just arrived after a 10-hour drive, along with his girlfriend Sammi and two other friends, a girl with long dark hair and a boy with a straw fedora who sat across from me. I was talking to Bill about the particulars of being YouTube musicians, and he wandered off topic into how much he wanted to ravage some hashbrowns with his face.

The waitress got around to me, and I said, "I would like the Moons Over My Hammy with egg whites?" Everyone immediately flipped their menus open to see if this item existed or if I was making it up.

It exists. It's scrambled eggs, cheese, and a billfold worth of ham, between two slices of toasted sourdough bread. Unless your Denny's of choice is exceptional, it is usually presented to you with the ingredients fanned out unattractively over your plate, because the scrambled eggs are often too fluffy to retain their greasy sourdough hat. Oftentimes there is no hope for you to reassemble it, and no frilly toothpicks can save you.

Bill ordered his hashbrowns. A number of people ordered Belgian waffles since Oregon strawberries were in season. Amber and Mary Kate ordered fruity blended drinks with cute names. The boy in the straw fedora ordered Moons Over My Hammy, with egg whites.

He leaned over the table cleavage. "You don't like egg yolks either?" he said to me.
I blushed. "I'm allergic."

Within a month from that, he became my boyfriend, and we've been together ever since. I've told him before that the Moons Over My Hammy is the food equivalent of "Our Song."