anywhere
We don't have a babysitter for V-Day, so my husband and I will be spending it at home.

Actually, it's OK. We're both pretty much beat from our recent changes in schedule (new job + commute for Dan, new preschool for Adrian, lots more home responsibilities for me) so cuddling on the couch with a glass of port sounds just swell.

Well, I don't kill people, but I think most people identify with Dexter because he's desperately trying to fit into a society that he doesn't fully understand, or even like. He's faking it until he makes it. I feel that way sometimes. I don't fully understand all of society's little rules. Not the big ones, but the pointless little ones, like giving gift bags full of plastic crap at birthday parties.

Also, my parents were both brilliant but socially inept in many ways, so they weren't the best instructors. They never taught me to write thank you notes, or communicate my feelings well. I had to learn most of that on my own and it has been a long journey.

I was painfully shy growing up, and I always felt it was a crippliing burden to be shy, so I have fought it tooth and nail and now I'm mostly NOT shy, which is such a relief. But I'm still not that great at small talk with people I don't care about. I can size people up pretty quickly, and if they're in the "no" category, it's hard for me to pretend otherwise. I'm not rude to anyone, but I don't feign interest where none exists. On the other hand, if I do like you, I am a very faithful and loyal friend and will go to the ends of the earth for you.

Dexter is probably more moral than most of the "normal" people he interacts with. Apart from killing bad people, he's a pretty upstanding guy.

I did almost kill a real scumbag loser with my bare hands once. He was a crackhead asshole named Robert who had just gotten out of jail, and I was talked into going on a rafting trip with him because he was my boyfriend Andrew's brother's girlfriend's cousin. I had a BAD feeling about him, and I was right. I listen to my instincts now, as a result of the dire consequences that have occurred every time I have ignored them.

So we're out on the raft, floating down the American RIver in Sacramento. It's a nice day, but Crackhead Robert has been a real dick the entire time. Finally he threatened my friend Nancy, telling her that she had better share her lunch with him or else (he forgot to pack one, go figure).

My boyfriend Andrew spoke up and defended Nancy, which pissed off Crackhead. He started calling my boyfriend names, and finally he picked up a heavy wooden oar and held it over him, threatening to smash his head in.

I was opposite from Crackhead Robert on the raft, and had been seething the entire time over his bad behavior, which had ruined our entire day. This was IT. I had this crazy moment of insight, in which all the angles of the raft calculated inside my brain at once and then I saw the solution. I charged across the raft and pushed him into the water, knocking the oar out of his hand.

As he was falling into the water, he took a swipe at me and knocked my Armani prescription glasses off my face and into the water, where they sank without a trace. I turned my head and time slowed down...I saw the glasses falling in slow motion and then "plip" into the water, and they were gone. Those glasses represented about a month's income for me at the time.

I was already in a fine rage over the events of the day and this utter LOSER threatening my boyfriend's life, and this was the last straw. Crackhead swam over and tried to climb back into the raft, and I was waiting for him. I grabbed his neck and started strangling the living fuck out of him.

My boyfriend's brother, John, who had done NOTHING to restrain Crackhead on any of the numerous occasions during which he had been harassing or threatening the occupants of the raft, who had not even said a single WORD against him, now jumps into action and tries to pull me off him. So now I'm strangling the Crackhead, trying to crush his trachea with my thumbs, and John is struggling with ME, trying to pull me off him.

I remember thinking, "I just have to knock him out, then he'll drown and float away, and when the police find him, he'll just be another crackhead ex-con loser statistic. Good riddance to all of us."

Well, not such clear thinking, because hi...they'd see the strangle marks. And he probably told someone where he was going. AND John and his girlfriend would have probably ratted me out. I certainly wouldn't want to go to jail for the rest of my life over that sleaze. But I did think I was doing the world a favor by taking him out. At the time.

Finally John managed to pull me back onto the raft, and I relinquished my grip on Crackhead Robert's throat. "Are you crazy Laura? What the hell are you doing?" asked John.

"What am *I* doing? That crackhead motherfucker threatened your brother's life with an oar, while you sat there drinking a beer! What are YOU doing?"

I was fully expecting Crackhead Robert to go off on me once he got back in the boat, but he didn't say a single word to me. Not a word. I scared the crap out of him. He sat quietly in his corner of the raft and I glared at him like my eyes were laser beams pulverizing every molecule in his body.

He did make a few more nasty comments to my boyfriend, which I called him on. He just went silent, and refused to address me directly.

Soon afterwards we were at the end of the rafting trip. I refused to ride in the same car as him, so he called someone to come and pick him up. I heard later that he was back in jail.

I'm glad that I didn't kill him, because like I said... I wouldn't have wanted to spend my life in jail over such a scumbag, but at the same time...if I could have eliminated him without a trace a la Dexter, that would be a different story.

Honestly, I'm a really nice, sensitive, loving person, and normally don't harbor murderous thoughts. But if you cross my line and threaten my loved ones, or innocent people in general, I will get medieval on your ass.