Solitude

I'm not super familiar with the term 'vice', but I suppose this one counts: Silence.

Normally I'm alright at going with the flow, and not worrying about the things you can't change. But sometimes something bothers me, or I put off feeling something for too long and it builds up and I can't help it. You know the feeling, I'm sure.

Once I get angry, or depressed, or whatever it is I'm feeling, I shut down. I don't like to talk to people about it (I'm not at all ashamed to admit that a cute guy who adores me would be the exception, but it doesn't happen often). In a way this is good, because if I'm forced into company when I'm in 'a mood', then I make sarcastic remarks in order to let out my anger. But if I have half the chance, I lock myself in my room and A) blast angry music, B) write poetry, or C) read harry potter. Withing half an hour at the most, I'm fine and ready to come out.

Now, I thought that sounded like a pretty good stress management technique. And I suppose it is, for managing stress. But for solving problems it's horrible. Because once I get over something, I don't like to talk about it again. And so instead of trying to solve the problem, I ignore it. which mean that naturally the same type of problems tend to come up, especially in the home, and rarely get solved.

In my defense though, it's much easier to step aside for a few minutes and calm down. You don't act so rashly. You don't get into arguments. You don't hold grudges. You just get over it and move on with life.

Granted, I'm only 15. Whether this is a positive or negative in my life, I don't know. But when I find out, I'll at least be able to get over it.

I'm going to go with studies on this one, because my only job experience is babysitting (as much as I like kids, the money is the best part) and reffing youth soccer (the money was the only decent part).

So that you know where I'm coming from, I just finished my sophomore year of high school. I took mostly advanced classes, played lacrosse, and had something going on at my church on average 4-5 days a week. I also had a pretty decent social life. Not the kind where I partied and got drunk every friday and saturday night, but the kind where I hung with friends on an almost weekly basis. Pretty much an average life, if you think about it. But, you would think that most average sophomores don't like their 'studies'. The only reason they bother going to school is because they have friends there, right?

But, I like my 'studies'. I like learning. Legit. I like leaving a class thinking, 'wow, I can't believe I know this shit.' I like asking a question that at the beginning of the year I wouldn't have understood (So does the DNA polymerase move 3' to 5' or 5' to 3'? And ligase joins the okizaki fragments?). I like the ego boost I get when I tell people I'm going to be in calculus as a junior next year. And I like learning something that completely changes my view on things.

What do I like most though? I can't really say. I have my favorite subjects- math english and science, in general- and more specific favorite subjects- algebra, classic literature, poetry, and biochemistry- but I can't pinpoint one thing I actually enjoy about my 'studies' (I'm getting sick of that word but can't think of a better one to replace it o.O). If I had to name one thing, however, it would be going into a lecture with a blank outline and taking such detailed notes that you now can understand everything there is on the subject. That's right up there with getting the high score on a test for an extremely difficult class (Just thinking about this one particular time is making me almost forget all the other times I described the class in elaborately profane language). Call me a nerd, but that gives for a very... satisfied feeling. The same feeling you get after you PR in a cross-country race, or finish a workout you thought would be impossible.