never go to bed angry.
if you've been fighting, the rule applies even if you live apart. this isn't just for women, either, guys. you have to play nice before bed. let's face it, make-up sex is good, but a lasting relationship is better. work it out, even if you both end up drawing blood. [just kidding.]

strong silent types are a no-no
long after clint eastwood has gone into his little silent womb of non-communicative pouting, a girl can finally see that the strong silent type isn't all it's cracked up to be. men who communicate their fears, ambitions and emotions are FAR better lovers in the end. same goes for females. if you can't tell him what you like, don't like and want- fuggetaboutit. it's not about being demanding, it's about knowing that your opinions and emotions are valid, so validate away! it's like that billy joel song: TELL HER ABOUT IT.

gift-giving and small words mean the world
on a shitty day, everything seems bleak. you hate your body. you're PMSing to the Nth degree. your mother is sick. your family is falling apart. your dog shit on the rug again. there is no milk and traffic is horrible. so coming home to a hand-written note or a sweet text sent in the middle of rush hour can be awesome! it really does mean the world to someone who is having a bad day, or even a good day. little notes, small tokens of appreciation and confirmation of love can be the sweet icing on any relationship's cupcake. and it doesn't have to cost a thing, but don't go cheap all the time. flowers and new underwear are a sure bet for sex, guys.

nagging is really ugly
nobody likes to be nagged. when you find yourself brow-beating and emasculating your boyfriend, make sure you check yo' self bitches. nagging is one thing and one thing ONLY: [in my opinion] - a projection of your own insecurities. if you find yourself nagging a lot, maybe you are unhappy with what's in the mirror. keep yourself in check first, then nag him later. granted, if his shoes are so smelly they have to remain in the hallway, a little nag might be the jump start he needs to take better care of himself. and about that smoking habit: the truth is, nobody ever quit because someone nagged them. keep positive and wait out any potential issues with your man [or lady] and things usually iron themselves out. can't HELP but nag because he's just so, GRRR? find a new boyfriend, dood.

remember your first date and often
looking back may be a sort of counterproductive thing in life, but in relationships it can really make a huge difference in a stale rut that many find themselves in. go for the gusto! eat at a park. take him out for cheeseburgers even though it's not on either of your diets. go to a cheesy movie or call out for pizza and play a game of checkers at home. playing that old mix tape or compilation CD helps, as well. whatever you did that first week [and don't we all remember? i know i do...] just get going in the backward direction. you started to love this person for some reason, right? why not remind yourself.

prompts are for pussies, which i am.

all things must pack themselves
emotional turmoil is hard enough without the worry of "where do i now put all this shit i have mysteriously accumulated over the last three years?" i mean, can't we just fucking find some kind of "breakup" service that will come do this for you? how hard is that? i suppose it also takes money, but i am holding something for ransom [i don't know what yet; heart, conscience, history] but whatever the case may be, i am just ready to have everything finished. it's hard to really start over when you're still right here in the middle of it.

the best joke in the world is the one we all live.
we're drunk on our own image; our own success, misery... you name it.
it is absolutely hilarious. then we shrivel and drink the final toast to our hilarity.
that's the best joke of all.
the idea that we are anything other than meatsuits.

Laughing Monks

Doctor Who said once that life was just a way to keep meat fresh.

funny. life.