• redvelvettears
      • hello red velvet tears
      • Username: redvelvettears
      • In response to: "What was the comfort food you enjoyed most growing up?" smashed topadoes. with cheese.
  • redvelvettears's latest answers
    • Will I Ever Go Back to School?

      • Learning more through text

        i would LOVE! to go back to school.
        i used to tell myself all the time that i would never not be taking a class - be it a music lesson, a weekend course to learn something new, or actually going for a degree. i adored being in school. every second of it. giant books filled with new things - things i wanted to know, things i didn't want to know - but things i COULD know.

        and then i got sick. twice over. and had to make a decision. pay the school or pay the hospital. i had to chose hospital. the constant bills and notices were too much for me to look at anymore.
        i regret it every day.
        i mean, i have a good job - something that might even be considered a "career." but, that's not the point. i feel like i'm lacking so much.

        i miss british literature and trying to wrap my tongue around middle english. classes about rocks, stars, words, the mind. yes, psychology. i miss psychology the most, i think.

        i try to sustain myself in other books - einstein's words, old text, new text. but it's never the same. i want to argue points with someone and bicker and laugh and learn.

        every time it seems i've saved enough to start again, there's a new slap in the face. the bank account drains and i'm stuck again.

        but, it's an every day thought. and everyday thoughts don't go away.
        i'll be back there, someday.

      • answered by redvelvettears on 04/20/2011
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    • My First Drive

      • Impreza Outback Sport

        ken's blue subaru outback.

        i had no idea how to drive. no clue. and we pulled into an old parking lot, and he had me get in the drivers seat. we drove around there for hours. HOURS! i learned how to park and change lanes, drive fast, use the mirrors, figure out the blind spot, hydroplane! all sorts of insanity.
        and he let me smoke my cigarettes while doing so. my left hand is pretty useless. i'd never even held a cigarette in it. so, he let me practice.

        i like ken because i can be wrong or look stupid or not know how to do something in front of him and it's still okay. and he teaches me in a way that i actually understand. because he understands me.

        learning to drive wasn't about my need to get around. it was my need to have my freedom understood. and that's exactly how it went.


        a side note,
        the first time i actually changed lanes on the highway, i took both hands off the wheel and clapped.
        the owner of that car, who wasn't ken, was not impressed.

      • answered by redvelvettears on 04/19/2011
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    • blank pages, a pen.

      • Project 50 - Day #1 (Moleskine)

        i cannot leave home without my notebook.
        i.. don't even know what i would do if i forgot it. what if i missed something? i'd forget it. there are memories every day that i need to hold on to. and, if i don't have my book, where would i put them? what would happen if i forgot?

        i hate thinking of the things that may have happened in my life that i've forgotten about. parts of me that have gone missing. it's such a terrifying thing to me!

        of course, there have been days i've left my book behind. a test, sometimes. to see who i can trust. typically, when the person fails the test, they don't want to talk to me after, anyway.
        other times because there are sometimes things in it people need to see. because i keep it all locked up inside my head. and sometimes it wants to get out. but a look between the pages is sometimes the only way to get there.

        i could lose my phone, my keys, my wallet. i'd be okay.
        i would NOT be okay if i lost my book. it'd be like.. suicide. except, instead of dying, everyone would see that i'm real.

      • answered by redvelvettears on 04/19/2011
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    • age is irrelevant.

      • Red toy car on children's playground area

        I always feel younger than i am!
        i could be in a crowd of people my age and still feel like i'm the eight year old who doesn't belong. i've never understood the concept of growing up.
        i'm taller. i'm smarter. i can do more stuff.
        but i'm just a little kid!

        i'd like to stay a little kid. and maybe that's my problem.
        when you're little, everything is incredible and new. i look at everything like that. it makes it hard to see the bad. you hurt a lot more.
        kids are supposed to learn lessons and recover quick.
        i don't. i never have.

        but i'll never be one of the adults in the room.
        i'll be me with my bare feet and skinned knees.
        and i'll always be the one laughing.

      • answered by redvelvettears on 04/19/2011
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    • <3

      • Love Mark

        a snow storm, a full moon, a thunderstorm.

        i have fallen.

      • answered by redvelvettears on 04/18/2011
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