This is kind of a two parter. It was the total loss and then regaining of all hope in my life.

I hit a rough patch a few months ago and found myself without a job. Soon after that college started to seem nonsensical and mundane so I stopped going for a short while. I've never really been a part of my own family so that weighed down on me and personal relationships that I thought could and might happen didn't pan out. I felt alone in a way I hadn't ever felt before and my close friends worried I was going to do something reckless.

But then I took a look at what I was doing, what this attitude of feeling sorry for myself had given me and realised there was absolutely no real reason for me to be acting so stupidly. Since then I'e become more driven, I still have no job and the family situation hasn't changed but I don't feel self pity anymore, only self worth.

I've grown up a great deal in the last six months and that was shocking to me. Rant over.