Plinky, Inc. http://www.plinky.com/people/secrethousewife.xml All Rights Reserved Sarah - Plinky Answers 2009-08-20T17:07:54-06:00 http://www.plinky.com/answers/70554 Let me feel how it is to be alive again... 2009-08-20T17:07:54-06:00 Skiing
Next birthday I will be 46. I want to feel alive. I want to wake up early, eat porridge then get on the chair lift to the top of a mountain where the air is deep blue and clear and the air is cold and clear as crystal. I want to hear the click as my boots hit my bindings and the small thrill of fear as I push myself off down the run.

I want to spread my arms and let my skis run free underneath me as the wind rips through my hair and tears stream down my face in the morning sun.


I want to spend all day like this and finish up in a mountain restaurant with a cold beer and a warm heart. My muscles will ache, but they will ache with happiness and achievement.


I want, on my next birthday, to be reminded that I am actually alive and not how I feel right now.... dead.


]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/55803 Martha Stewart...loves a bit of porridge, I hear. 2009-05-18T13:19:58-06:00 I believe the lovely Martha spent some time in clink...I feel this dish would make her feel at home.


porridge


]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/55367 One moment of of true love... 2009-05-16T07:32:33-06:00 One moment of true love,one moment to drown oneself in anothers adoration is surely better than a lifetime of dry dullness.The memory of a love will visit you in the wee small hours... a scent or a phrase of music will transport you back into the arms of your lost lover and wrap you in warmth forever.

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/55174 When it comes down to it...there's only one thing to do if you're stressed... 2009-05-15T14:24:02-06:00 Stress... a by product of the modern world, cured by an ancient remedy.


Wee Three

Well....I would love to be singing the praises of aromatherapy and meditation....but the best thing for stress ....is a bloody good shag.

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/54157 Let your tears fall... 2009-05-10T08:45:52-06:00 Some days you just need to cry.Some days,when you're ironing and you suddenly remember how your Dad's hugs used to feel,or the time he built you a dolls house out of an old crate and made all the furniture from wood and knitting needles.Some times the tears fall unbidden because they have welled up inside and have nowhere else to go,but down your cheeks, to silently form pools in the dip between your collar bones.And sometimes the smell of a perfume or a bubbling pan of porridge will remind you of times gone by that will never come again.

And some days the tears will come because your world is full of a love that you hope will never end.A joy that ,for an instant in time,seems so perfect it can't be true.A smile,a touch,a whisper...


Let your tears fall.

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/53996 Purple ink and parchment... 2009-05-09T09:33:45-06:00 Ink Pens

In my dreams I would like to write long meaningful pieces in purple ink on water colour parchment.In reality its too slow and I like tap tap tapping away on my keyboard.Boring,but true...

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/53299 Super Group Shmuper Group.Go away you ageing wrinkly... 2009-05-06T11:54:57-06:00 I am quite happy for them to reform and relive their younger successes before they forget them in a drug addled haze.I just don't want to have to listen to them.Or look at them.Most of them don't even have the decency to write new songs. They think that we are all stupid enough to go out and buy/download their old stuff because it has been "re-mixed".

This just means that they have fitted in a set of scratchy beepboppy drums or maybe asked a mate to come and rap over the top of the bits where they have forgotten the words.

The term Supergroup implies that they are super.I haven't come across any reformed bands that are that great...well, maybe Take That.But The Travelling Wilburys??The name says it all.Wrap them up in velvet, give them a pipe and tell them to smoke it.Away from me...


Any wrinkly has been...
There seems to be a trend at the moment of slightly overweight and jaded ex band members reforming their groups in the hope that they will make enough cash to buy another home in the South of France/pay off their therapist bills.

Not content with living the dream first time round they are greedy for yet another bite of the cherry.Just accept it...its over, boys.


]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/53047 This woman is wearing odd stripy socks and has had enough.Please send cake... 2009-05-05T10:34:56-06:00 Right now I am wearing odd, stripy socks.They say that this woman has had enough...she has worked all day, her sock drawer needs tidying and she has been outside in her boots clearing other peoples' cat pooh out of the flower beds. So the boots are off, the socks are odd and this woman is in need of a cup of tea and a slice of cake.

There seems to be a trend in my writing recently about cat pooh. Please forgive me, but it is taking over my garden and my life...and I don't even own a cat.

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/52734 Death to all creatures that poo in my garden... 2009-05-04T09:32:29-06:00 Do I feel an affinity for cats?I do for cats that come and purr on my lap,or even ignore me completely.Certainly more affinity for cats than for the smelly, stupid creatures that are dogs.But for the cats that come and poo in my garden?.......death to all creatures that poo.


Does that make me a bad person?

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/52529 As God is my witness...I will never eat packet noodles again. 2009-05-03T08:07:43-06:00 DSCF3360

I hate to be a bore, but I have to agree with the old packet noodle meal.When I was back packing in Australia and living in the Hertford Hostel in Sydney we used to buy packets of noodles for tiny amounts of money.They were the dullest food known to Man, like eating strings of wallpaper scrapings in a salty puddle. I swore, as God is my witness, a la Scarlet O'Hara, that I would never eat them again.

But I have...

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/52416 The worm that turned... 2009-05-02T12:21:22-06:00 Being the eldest of 4 children I had come to expect and receive both respect and, dare I say it, abject servitude from my siblings by the age of 10.If I required a drink or, let's say, said siblings to play horsey showjumping games in our garden, around the magnificent course that I had set up using bamboo poles, brooms and various bikes....I expected them to do exactly as I asked. Well... when I say asked I actually mean....demanded.


So, it was with horror that my reign of terror came to an end. Horror for me that one of these siblings dared to refuse my wishes. In doing so he became my Arch Enemy.He had the gall, at the age of 8, to refuse, point blank, to ride an imaginary horse in my show jumping game.He insisted that he would be riding a.... cow. And from that moment onwards I knew that he was trouble.


No matter how hard I tried, how darkly I threatened, he would not do as I told him.He had suddenly realised that I was weak and powerless to command him.He grew in stature and, to my amazement, he took my brother and sister with him. A rebellion on all fronts. No longer could I be the only one to ride the imaginary black stallion....they all had their own, of different hues and temperaments, but always better than mine.


He left me broken and confused... my reign of terror over....my spell disarmed....the swine.


Adam....my Nemesis. My Arch Enemy. The worm that turned...

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/52266 Alton Towers... a Hell Hole that sucks the living breath from your broken body and spits you out a broken and bankrupt shadow of your former self. 2009-05-01T14:19:20-06:00

Alton Towers. A theme park.In reality a cynical money making machine that sucks you in with promises of fun for all the family.... drags you to the back of beyond and then squeezes you dry of every penny you have ever earned, every smile you have ever smiled... picks you up and spits you out, stopping only to charge you for parking in their Hell Hole car park, located a light year from any other sign of civilisation.

Don't be tempted by their promises of joy and laughter. They are evil.

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/49232 Why would anyone in their right mind want to be at a party anyway?? 2009-04-19T04:06:28-06:00 Being at a party at all...
I can't stand parties. Why would I want to stand around with people I either don't know and/or don't like, making small talk and waiting for the time to be right that I can leave?I have never been to a party that I had a great time at. They are either full of dull sober people or even duller pissed people. The latter has the added danger that they might decide to puke all over you at any given moment...

No, the best strategy is to avoid any sort of party invitation that promises " crazy fun, music and drinking". Luckily I am such a miserable old cow that people know better than to invite me to any such thing.Give me a night in with a few really good friends, good food, a bottle or two of wine and....... a karaoke machine.....??


]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/48511 Do I really need 3 more hours?? 2009-04-16T12:32:08-06:00 Oh gosh.... an extra 3 hours a day?Well, the obvious one is that I would sleeeeeeeep.And failing that, when I had napped all I could?Well, I quite fancy learning something new.....but what?The piano?The violin?

Maybe I would go and work for a charity somewhere and give something back to society as they say? But I think I am too selfish for that in the long run.

No. When it comes down to it, much as I would like a bit more sleep, the 24 hour day is fine by me.I can always go to bed earlier, can't I?

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/46887 Want the perfect relationship?Look no further... 2009-04-12T07:31:57-06:00 The one thing a relationship needs to succeed? For me there is one good starting point.... respect.


Respect
Respect covers a multitude of necessaries in a relationship. If you respect someone then you treat them the way you would like to be treated. With respect you are honest and kind. Without respect you don't have much of a relationship.Respect must be mutual...I'm not talking downtrodden here...I'm talking equality.


]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/46876 Oh, officer, I don't understand..... and I might cwy.... pwease be kind to lil ol me.... 2009-04-12T03:41:00-06:00 Being small and blonde with a warm smile never did me any harm.I have exploited ruthlessly the belief, in some quarters, that small blonde women are stupid, and have generally got my own way on most things, purely by doing the whole " I'm lost and blonde and don't know what to do...." thing. I know....immoral,unfeminist and generally all that I abhor. But sometimes, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do....

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/45413 A haiku about Blues Brothers 2009-04-09T08:06:51-06:00

Cool Jake and Elwood
Wearing sunglasses and suits.
Great music. Hit it.

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/45206 While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die..... 2009-04-08T17:24:55-06:00 Who do I admire the most? Not an easy question to answer.... and one that I have pondered...


my dad & my mother-in-law
Ok... don't get me wrong.This is not meant to be odd or overly sad. I have thought a lot about my answer to this. Both of these people have died... and both suffered with great dignity in their final months.I hope that I never have to suffer as they did, but if I do I hope that I have the strength, the courage and the dignity that they both had.

Neither ever complained about their pain or the fact that they knew they were going to die. They did , unselfishly,what they could, to make the end easier for those whom they loved, namely me and my family.

When I think of them I think of them with pride and admiration. There. Not funny, not glib.... but true.


]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/44265 Under this sensible skin nestles a child.... 2009-04-06T14:05:52-06:00 I have been sensible all my life and the older I get the more I realise that,despite my sensible appearance, I have never really grown up and probably never will.I feel like a child...full of insecurities and and a desire to be cared for. I don't want to be a big grown up person with a big grown up job. I just want to be me and to be loved for being me...

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/43756 Join us in our mission to create a pefect world.Semi -breathing is our future. 2009-04-05T08:56:15-06:00 As we all know the environment is being impacted massively by the increased production of carbon monoxide.Over the years I have rid myself of my car, my heating and I now only eat raw food, thus diminishing my carbon footprint to a pre - Victorian age level. I was not, however, happy with this still and have been trialing a new concept known as semi - breathing. This not to be confused with the semi-brieve (a little known musical term ).

The semi - breathe involves limiting oneself to breathing only during alternate minutes, thus reducing, in one fell swoop my own personal carcon dioxide emissions. I am working on being able to breathe only every 2 minutes as my high fibre raw diet does, unfortunately have various side effects which I won't go into now.


If you are interested in this new and potentially world saving project then do please contact us at www.don't breathe too often because you're buggering up the world.com/

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/43723 Stand back in shock and awe, for I am the Elite Cornflake Lady. 2009-04-05T05:21:10-06:00 Many may attempt this feat, few will succeed....I am one of the few.


Cornflakes

I am famous, amongst a select few,for my ability to pick up a cornflake packet lid from the floor with my mouth, only allowing my feet to touch the floor. It is a skill that few possess and which I have honed to a fine art over 40 years.Stand back in shock and awe, for I am one of the elite.

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/43377 Music?? You call this rubbish music?? 2009-04-04T04:51:48-06:00 I am, it would appear, quite an intolerant person and I have possibly got out of bed on the wrong side this morning looking at my answers....I could really live without music most of the time, but I could live without these forever. In fact my general view is that the people who created them should be taken to a spot in a far off desert, covered in honey and be left for the ants.Does that make me a bad person?


The Power of Love by Jennifer Somebodyorother

This dreadful,howling woman and her pseudooperatic/rock voice was played incessantly and I, even now, feel traumatised by it. Soulless,insipid rubbish.

Mull of Kintyre by Paul McCartney

What don't I like? What don't I like??Is there anything to like?Droning on and on and on....for weeks on end. Death by droning.Ghastly...

Anything by this fool by Snoop Dog

I don't like chauvinistic, misogenystic, aggressive, rude people and he just is all these things rolled into one nasty package in a sheepskin coat.Even if he didn't sing I would dislike him. I saw him at Live8 and he was truly awful. Talk about the Emperor's new clothes....Uggghhhhhhh!!!!!

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/42611 Stuck in an elevator with My husband 2009-04-02T13:56:26-06:00 My husband
There is nobody else in this world who makes me laugh more or who can give me more confidence. If I was scared he would make me calm and if I was horny..... he would tell me not to be so ridiculous in a lift.


]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/42200 April Fools Day Shmools Day... why bother?? 2009-04-01T15:00:03-06:00 Do you know, call me old fashioned and all that palaver, but watching internet April Fools Day pranks are just about the dullest way I could imagine to spend my day.I have no idea what thrilling examples are available, but I was far too busy outside, in the sunshine to be locked in a darkened room watching other people do stupid things. There. Call me Grumpy Knickers if you wish, but that is just me...

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/41547 Trampy or fun?? 2009-03-31T14:21:51-06:00 So when did trampy or fun mutually exclude each other ??

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/41457 I get my news from TV 2009-03-31T12:09:26-06:00

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/41446 Making out in ? I have never "made out", but I did have my first kiss in a smoky music club in Johannesburg, South Africa in 1982 2009-03-31T11:52:36-06:00

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/41440 I get my news from TV 2009-03-31T11:44:56-06:00

]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/40734 These are not demands...they are the essence of my life...they are me...kneel down before me for you are not worthy... 2009-03-30T12:22:08-06:00 I am Goddess... hear me whine


Do not label my requirements "demands"


Do not look at me when you are speaking.


I must, at all times, be preceeded by a glistening, scantily clad young man, spraying my path with Chanel No 5


I have no need to explain myself to you or anybody else. Now bring me champagne...I am Goddess




]]> http://www.plinky.com/answers/40641 I could eat nothing but noodles salad for a year 2009-03-30T10:27:20-06:00 Delicious Wasabi Noodle Salad

I believe the region of Vancouver, with its enormous shopping malls and vast variety of food outlets, would suit me fine.Just set me free to roam, with fork in hand and napkin round my dainty neck and I would thrive and be happy, replete in my natural habitat...

]]>