The brick wall (free wallpaper)

I remember being 16. I remember knowing everything. Really, I was brilliant, invincable and utterly adorable, or so I thought (me and my mom anyway - hey mom!).

By the age of 13 years old a child's brain goes through enormous sloughing off of cells it thinks it doesn't need. Of course it's a child's brain, what the hell does it really know? This sloughing occurs and removes their brain, so when you think your kid has lost his mind, he has, he really has. I don't mean it just falls out their ass, I mean proper pathways and synapses become a big pile of mush. A few things occur when this sloughing happens.

You instantly become dumb and old: a teenager will slide open their bedroom window, truly believing that you cannot hear the squeak that just occurred because you are dumb and old.

You instantly become boring or a buzz killer: a teenager will slide down a dam's causeway on his jacket because it looked like a blast and will not suffer quietly when he is reprimanded about the burn holes in his jacket from said slide.

You instantly know nothing about fashion: a teenager will roll her eyes at you when you suggest that wearing a tank top in -30° weather isn't a good idea.

You just don't understand: a teenager's ears automatically shut off when any mention of 'when I was a kid' escapes your mouth. Remember you are dumb and old and you were NEVER as smart as them at their age.

So for plinky to even remotely suggest that I *could* even talk to my 16 y/o self is utterly ridiculous. There is no way in hell I'd have listened to a damn thing any adult said. I knew everything, I was brilliant and invincible.

Even if my 16 y/o self recognized me as her future, not only would her ears shut off (see above) but she'd probably run away screaming at the probability of her ass size becoming the same as mine in the far future. In reality, I'd just be some random old person approaching her looking to give words of wisdom that wouldn't be heeded even if they were heard.

No, approaching my 16 y/o self isn't something on my to-do list when my time machine is invented. Besides, I like how I've ended up even with all those screw ups at 16.

Addicted to the Internet

Imagine yourself sitting at home alone, it's quiet, no noise whatsoever permeates the air. You are sitting on a comfy office chair, you may be reading a book, listening to music or twittling your thumbs. While it may seem quiet outside, all "aitch-E-double-hockey-sticks" is breaking down inside your dumbass head. Your mind is more than just stinkin' twitterpated, or a mere whirling dervish, you are a complete basket case.

This lovely image is brought to you from our dear Plinky because they thought to ask the question of if I could live w/o the internet for a month. This follows along the lines of the whole car thing, but worse.

Most people would think that a month is no big deal. Those people obviously don't have computers and don't have their friends living in it. Let me draw a picutre of life without internet.

I'm not just talking about knowing everyone's freakish business on Facebook, MySpace, but just being able to search out every random useless fact known to man at the tap of a few keys. Seriously. Do you know how easy it is to find out why onions make you cry (http://chemistry.about.com/od/chemistryfaqs/f/onionscry.htm), or what a solar flare is (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_flare)? You can even find incredible pictures you would have never seen in your lifetime without the use of the internet (hello Hubble telescope http://hubblesite.org/). Did you know I spend an awful lot of time on my library's website gathering up book titles in my "To-read" list that I don't have to purchase? It can be up to 3 hours in a week (I read a lot and I read fast, sue me) to gather up my 8 book a week addiction - hey, I'm a self-proclaimed book whore.

Sure, I could take a vacation, go away and not use the internet for a month. That's normal. I just did a short 8 day stint of no internet and didn't even miss it (although I missed my Rockband). But would I seriously want to?

Hell-to-the-no. The use of the internet keeps my money in my bank instead of at-teller service fees sucking the life out of my bank account. The use of the internet keeps my money in my pocket instead of in my phone company's for extravagant long distance fees to call my Gramma. The internet allows my to connect with people across the world that I'd never have a chance to know without the internet (can we say P-i-o-n-e-e-r-W-o-m-a-n).

It's not whether I couldn't, I just wouldn't. It's not my life, it's not the entire worth of my being. But it sure as hell makes life a lot more fun.

On the platform, reading

I've called myself a book whore on here many times, but I haven't ever defined that. It's another one of my fleeting terms like 'thought vomit' that has spewed forth from my brain with the assumption that everyone knows what I mean right? Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

I want to take a moment to define my whoreness to the world so people understand I'm not truly taking money for sex while reading a book, it's much, much more than that. I could use 'word whore', 'perusal slut' or even 'knowledge junkie' but 'book whore' just slides right out of there so easily.

*ahem* The pun was sooo not intended, but quite funny if I might say so myself.

Being a book whore doesn't require any effort whatsoever. Really, it's not as if I woke up one day and went, 'hmm, today I want to be a book whore', no, it's something inside. I'll stop myself right there before I get all existential on the world, but it truly isn't something I decided to be. I do believe it can be learned by those who are wanna-bes and classical book readers. You may have to remove your literary blinders for a bit, but I believe in you, you can be a book whore too!

My whoreness resulted from my parents. Oh yes, whoreness runs in our family.

*ahem* not that kind (perv).

I can recall my parents reading constantly, it was just such an integral part of our days that it never did seem unusual to see a book whipped out almost anywhere. I can't recall what they read, besides the Stephen King and Lord of the Rings stuff, but I'm sure it was just as varied as my own. What is strange about my recollection is that I don't remember my parents ever stepping foot in a library. We weren't wealthy by any means so purchasing new books didn't really happen, I imagine. Then again, there is that inconspicuous slot of time where us kids were in school, I just figured they sat around and waited for us to come home like my cat would.

My whoreness has come naturally, but never been named or defined. Until now I guess. I've always thought of myself as a bit of an information junkie, but it's more than that. Ready for the definition? A book whore will read anything, everything they can get their hands on and read it anywhere they can. Ahhh, before the world lumps themselves in saying, 'oh that's me', do you really mean 'anything' or is it 'anything-but-Twilight'? Ah-HA! See? Book whores will read *anything* they can get their hands on. They won't just stick to one genre, or even the adult section of the library. Have you looked at the sections of the library? There are thousands upon thousands of topics to read up on, learn and devour, and that's only the non-fiction. Then there's General Fiction, Mystery/suspense, Thriller, Sci-Fi (oh don't discount Sci-Fi as robot garbage, you can find some seriously mystical stories there that tickle the imagination!), Historical Fiction, Romance and don't discount that Large Print area. Oh I know, you're thinking that because you're young and spry you don't need that LP area. Think again my book-whore-learning friend, the LP area may have books you've never dreamed of reading. Then after that you can wander on over into the Juvie section. I don't just mean the teen reads either that are over an inch thick. Read Nancy Drew, Narnia, kid classics (hello Swiss Family robinson), Magic school bus (did you know bees fan the honey to lower the water content to exactly 18%? you do now!). That is usually where you'll find the Harry Potters and the Twilights.

By now you are thinking I am absolutely nuts. Adults don't read in the kids section unless they are reading to their kids. That is where you'll fall off that ol' book-whore wagon my friend. A book whore will read anything. I find so many persons of the world limiting their reading to only the 'classics' (just a side note, who the aitch-ee-double-hockey-sticks put George Orwell crap in classics, oh and have you read Grapes of Wrath? Blech, boring! end side note), or to a certain genre, or they will absolutely not read anything that is a 'fad' (hello Twilight haters). Then, if they do give-in and read them, they have blinders on to the purpose of picking up a book in the first place. They are so busy picking apart the reasons a book cannot be considered a literary classic that they are missing it all.

The reason to pick up a book is to immerse yourself into the midst of the story line. See Bilbo pick up that ring for the first time, feel the ocean air on your skin at cair Paravel, smell the manure at the farm you are learning about ... okay, maybe that's taking it a bit too far - after all, that's what we pick up books for so we don't have to smell it to learn it. We can't all be Pioneer Women.

Be aware that being a book whore doesn't mean you can't have favourites. It doesn't mean that you can't have books sitting on your shelves waiting to be reread over and over. It also means you don't have to have many books on your shelves. I have very little (due to space and clutter issues), but I'm a whore through and through.

I've been revisiting a few books over my lifetime of reading of 30 years (learned at 4 from my older brother). I have favourites: ones I just pick up once a year or every other year. In fact, they are the only ones left on my personal book shelf. They are the only ones I will keep, and they would be the only ones I would rescue in a fire just after my kids (hubby can fend for himself right? ;)).

Narnia series - which btw, they skipped the first book altogether when they made these new movies.
Harry Potter series
Hobbit/Lord of the Rings
Twilight series - yes, I'm a TL mom, I'm ok with that.

And my personal fave, Earth's Children series, aka Clan of the Cave Bear. It's this one that touches me, as a woman, right down to my very soul. And I'm not just talking about the extremely vivid s&x scenes, it's the simplicity of that world that appeals to me so much. It strikes my inner whore that I come back to this book year after year. It doesn't limit my other reading as I read extremely quick, so I can continue to be a book whore while reading these enormous volumes. It's more than 'Little House' basics, it's right down to animal skins and bone pots simplicity. I think it contually reminds me of how much we rely on our purchases of others' products in order to get by in a day and how little on our own aptitude to survive.

I love being a book whore. It strikes at me over and over again to grab something random from the book shelf of my library at random to gain something new. I don't think I'd be a book whore today if it weren't for my parents. So thanks mom, thank-you for turning me into the great whore I am today.

I will always be a book whore, and I will always encourage others to let go of literary snobbery so they can be a book whore too.