*Sarcasm Spoiler* Thanks to the "Yes on 8" campaign, I now realize what a huge threat Gay Marriage is to my family life and the day to day operations of my household. I am gripped with fear when I think of what a slippery slope exists when we begin to grant ALL citizens access to the same rights. The line to drop my kids off at school is already too long, imagine if GAY couples had kids to drop off too? Good god! And what if we let Gay people vote? Imagine what THEY would vote for! Why, just the other day I saw a gay (riding in the back of the bus where they belong) and this particular gay was so "uppity" that he was dressed head to toe in designer fashions! He looked as sharp as a tack, but that's not the point. If we let the gays dress as snazzy as they like, they will think they can do anything at all! We've come a long way America, don't drop the ball now. *End Sarcasm*
]]>Adam Carolla
Solid ranting skills. Plus, I hear his nasal voice inside my head.
Curious George
That monkey gets away with EVERYTHING. This adorable little guy never sees any consequences beyond the occasional broken bone or Ether high.
Aquaman
Scientist schmientist. This dude is part fish, let's find out what's really going on with the environment.
Aunt Jemima
We need a woman to round this out. She seems like a sweet lady. Also, I love pancakes.
Singing a Primus song isn't so much singing as it is mimicking a cartoon voice. Plus I know all the words.
Jerry Was a Race Car Driver by Primus
See #1. Added bonus, there is no karaoke bar in the Universe that has Primus on their machine.
Ha, it's an instrumental! Seriously, it's Primus or nothing... and nothing bodes better for your ears. Trust me.
I'm not a quitter. In fact, I'll stick with a crappy job, bad movie, even boring book way longer than necessary. This book somehow made it's way to our downstairs restroom, where I do a fair amount of "reading". I MIGHT have made it through the first chapter before I realized that I did not hold enough hatred for myself to get halfway through this mind numbing lobotomy inducer. Sorry Tolstoy, you suck.
]]>My wife likes to find weird gifts for me. She assumes I will like them, as I am such a weirdo. The weirdest of these gifts was the pink plastic, "Answer Me Jesus". A ten inch tall statue of our Lord and Savior with a Magic 8 Ball style answer window underneath. He gives answers like, "Sinner", "I still love you", "The Holy Water will sting", and "Let me ask my Dad". Answer me Jesus hasn't really helped me out of any jams yet, but that might be because I am such a sacreligous pagan. Thanks, sweetheart.
]]>I've always wanted a spider monkey (and to be a spider monkey, but that's a different prompt). However, I think we have all learned from the mistakes of Ross from Friends. Cute as a button? Yes. Masturbating, feces throwing nighmare? Ok, that too.
]]>Wearing my choice of clothing vs. a restictive dress code is the universal signal of freedom. I will literally change out of a suit and tie and into shorts and flip-flops while driving my car home. I've had people meet me at work, then follow me to a 2nd location, and look at me in wild amazement as I step out of my car dressed like it's Spring Break. It's a gift.
]]>
Surfer, Newport Beach California
I had a swim coach in Jr. High that once drove a vanload of teenage boys to the beach on a foggy summer morning with a stack of old boards and heavily ventilated wetsuits. I stood up on a wave for about a half a second, and since then I've been a slave to tide charts, hurricane tracks, and Aleutian storm systems. Surfers get a bad rap for being slackers, but you never hear anybody get crap for going to the gym. I suppose I'll have to stop when I die, but not a second before that.
]]>
The Nuge. Enough said.
]]>
