Wayne Berninger - Plinky Answers

Landscape

2013-05-17T10:36:35-05:00

"When you gaze out your window — real or figurative — do you see the forest first, or the trees?"

It's half forest and half trees, each half indistinguishable from the other.

Half full or half empty?

2013-05-14T07:33:14-05:00

"Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?"

I am so tired of you people behaving as if air doesn't exist.

The little things

2013-05-13T10:31:00-05:00

"Describe a little thing — one of the things you love that defines your world but is often overlooked."

Oh, come on. It looks just like everyone else's, only smaller.

Clone Wars

2013-05-04T07:32:15-05:00

"If you could clone yourself, how would you split up your responsibilities?"

I would choose one clone to be in charge of splitting up responsibilities. I would then disappear into the crowd and never again be responsible for the splitting up of responsibilities. Unless, of course, the clone in charge ever chose to put me in charge, in which case I would simply shift all responsibility to another clone. Assuming that all of my clones would share my own desire to avoid responsibility, this would probably go on forever, and nothing would get done. Cloning myself is probably not a good idea.

Stranger

2013-05-03T08:39:55-05:00

"Have you ever had a random encounter or fleeting moment with a stranger that stuck with you?"

I think you mean to say "a stranger WHO stuck with you," but I'll let it slide this time. No, I have never had a stranger who stuck with me, regardless of whether we had shared a random encounter or fleeting moment. I have experienced random encounters and fleeting moments with strangers who did NOT stick with me, but you didn't ask to hear about that, so I will refrain from telling you anything at all about the time the crazy lady came up to me in the drug store and slapped me on the back and then ran away. That is the entirety of the story. Her hand did not stick to me. She left, and I never saw her again. It was random and fleeting, but she did not stick with me. Commitment-phobic, I suppose.

Flick the switch

2013-05-02T08:38:29-05:00

"What's the one habit you'd change about yourself, if you could simply flick a switch and have it happen?"

I would never do that. Now, if I could press a BUTTON, that would be cool!

I simply can't resist

2013-05-01T08:15:37-05:00

"What is your greatest weakness?"

You'd like me to tell you, wouldn't you? What kind of a fool do you take me for? I tell you my greatest weakness, and then you exploit it and destroy me? Think again.

On the move

2013-04-28T12:31:43-05:00

"If you could move to any location on the planet, where would you go and why?"

Which planet?

Just for one day

2013-04-25T07:47:54-05:00

"If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why? If that seems too easy, try this one: who would you like to have spend a day as you and what do you hope they’d learn from the experience?"

Which day?

My job at the circus?

2013-04-15T08:34:50-05:00

"If you ran away and joined the circus, what would your role be? Would you run a concession? Would you train elephants? Be a clown? Ringmaster? Why?"

I would not bother running away TO JOIN the circus, because if I ran away TO JOIN the circus, my life would be the same as it is now. This world is a circus. I guess the difference would be there would be real elephants, whereas here I am the elephant. I couldn't be an elephant at the "real" circus, but I guess I could still be a clown, except I'd be an evil clown this time.

Escape!

2013-04-10T07:31:51-05:00

"Describe your ultimate escape plan (and tell us what you’re escaping from)."

Tell you my escape plan. You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Island Foods

2013-04-05T12:38:45-05:00

"You’ve being exiled to a private island, and your captors will only supply you with five foods. What do you pick?"

Hmmmm....island foods....let me think....

Coney Island hot dog, Long Island iced tea, Thousand-Island salad dressing, Easter Island eggs, Galapagos Island turtle-meat BBQ.

Judging Books by Their Covers

2013-04-02T07:30:16-05:00

"If you were to judge your favorite book by its cover, would you still read it?"

What does judging books by their covers have to do with reading them? Why the assumption that the one ought to lead (or, indeed, not lead) to the other? Judging books by their covers is its own pastime and need not be supplemented by the reading of books in order to qualify as a legitimate way to spend ones time. Judging books by their covers is always already a complete act, and whether one goes on to read the books is an entirely separate matter; judging books by their covers need be followed by no other act in order to be complete. I love to pass a lazy afternoon judging books by their covers. Some of my best memories from childhood have to do with favorite books that I judged by their covers (and that I often never went on to read). I so loved judging books by their covers that I would judge them by their covers time and time again. I still own many of the books that I judged by their covers, which, ironically, are ragged and in some cases, falling off, though their insides remain unread.

What's your favorite thing to do?

2013-04-01T08:49:33-05:00

"What activity, task, or game do you love most in the world? Why?"

It's a toss-up between Déjà vu and Solitaire.

How rude.

2013-03-31T21:52:13-05:00

"If you could choose to be any famous person who would you be, and why?"

Wait, are you trying to say I'm not already famous?

Competition

2013-03-28T07:28:04-05:00

"What activity, task, or game most brings out your competitive streak?"

Solitaire.

But I Prefer My Cheese in Slices

2013-03-27T23:44:06-05:00

"You have been grated three wishes. The caveat is that you cannot wish for anything for yourself. What do you wish for?"

Cheddar, Muenster, and Gouda.

Altruistic wishes

2013-03-27T23:36:44-05:00

"You have been grated three wishes. The caveat is that you cannot wish for anything for yourself. What do you wish for?"

Have you ever truly felt déjà vu, the sensation that you’ve already had the experience you’re currently having?

Déjà vu and vous

2013-03-27T23:33:40-05:00

"Have you ever truly felt déjà vu, the sensation that you’ve already had the experience you’re currently having?"

Have you ever truly felt déjà vu, the sensation that you’ve already had the experience you’re currently having?

Silence or Small Talk?

2012-09-19T08:42:49-05:00

Do I chat with my seatmate on an airplane?

Seatmate.

No. Absolutely not. Talking to the person sitting next to you is the quickest way to get them lecturing you about religion or politics. Or showing you five million pictures of their kids. Or their dog. If you happen to want to sleep or, God forbid, read a book, you are out of luck the moment you make the deadly mistake of saying "good morning" to the nice person sitting next to you. Better to remain silent. Never respond, no matter what. If they think you're a serial killer, then maybe they'll leave you alone so you can enjoy your flight.

Do you shower in the morning or at night before bed?

2012-09-02T08:18:23-05:00

I shower while I am asleep. Saves so much time you wouldn't believe.

Chapter Five: The Wonder Years

2012-08-09T08:28:48-05:00

stela's lint art

How DARE you assume my autobiography would have that many pages?! Are you trying to suggest that I am that egotistical? The nerve!

"...became the supreme leader of a neighborhood club devoted to fashioning statues of famous authors from dryer lint and homemade glue."

Wandering Souls

2012-08-09T08:02:51-05:00

Wilson's Soul Food Inc. 15

"Do you believe in soul mates?" Believe in them? I eat them every night! Soul Mates are my favorite microwaveable pocket pastry! I'm especially fond of the buttermilk biscuit pocket with black-eyed peas and collard greens! Mmm-mmm!

Time Travel

2012-08-07T08:45:40-05:00

The beginning of the end

If you could travel through time, what period would you visit?

I'm assuming you mean period as in the punctuation mark, in which case I would visit the first one. Such irony: the first end point.

A Ticket to Space

2012-04-26T10:40:32-05:00

drowning

I don't think so. It's a nice place to visit, but I would want to breathe there.

If I Had to Make a Living by Creating Art

2012-01-18T07:23:55-05:00

corpse

I would kill myself. And leave instructions for my corpse to be exhibited in an art gallery.

When I Start My Holiday Shopping

2011-12-09T08:55:41-05:00

Holiday Inn

Which holiday?

The Last Parade I Attended

2011-11-27T06:19:21-05:00

Doo Dah Parade - Pasadena CA - 2009

Don't be silly. It would be extremely difficult to get a parade in a person. Maybe a very large person...

The Most Destructive Force to Mankind

2011-09-04T07:13:14-05:00

California State Capitol Building at night, Sacramento (DSC00242)

Tyranny disguised as philanthropy.

My Best Friend from Childhood

2011-06-22T07:51:15-05:00

Senior Year Gene Simmons

That's impossible. I can't describe my best friend from childhood. I'm all grown up now so I can only describe him from adulthood. Perspective is everything.