Chris Riley - Plinky Answers

Pain. Est. 0002 A.O. (After Outbreak)

2010-03-04T08:05:03-06:00

So here we are. Me, the quiet misanthrope with an affinity for destroying others happiness. Her, the obnoxious spunkster with a hankering for bad music and weak trends. How did we end up here, how did we make it. Why haven't I hit her with the break I carry. The jibber jabber that spews from her face is a never ending tirade of nonsense and gossip on things that matter no more. And even if those things were around anymore, they'd be so far outside of my interests, I'd ask her to take a jump off of a very high bridge.

That's us, what an odd pair. And this is what we do, we smash the faces of our enemies. They seem to be growing in numbers. Ever since the outbreak, there have been fewer and fewer.. hrmm.. humans, I guess. These things we break, these things we destroy, they are not human. They are wasted, cracking prisons. They hide a deformity, a disease. I don't know what it is, but things just aren't the same anymore. It started just as it did in the movies. One or two weary bodies, come into a decent size town, bite the fuck out of some kid, or some innocent, and spread the virus. It moves faster than the movies showed. Maybe a few days went by and it had consumed so much. My home town, the county, the state, the country. Europe was fucked faster and harder than we were. I haven't heard anything of any survivors over there. Poor chaps. This great rock we named home. This rock we abused. This rock we took for granted. It breathed brimstone back on us man. In the worst way.

Me and this twit, we consider our purpose to be protectors. Seekers of the unfortunate, others who breathe, others with a heart beat. We find them. We save them if necessary. Of course this takes force. We show them how to survive. How to mend wounds. How to sustain. How to take back humanity and wash this demon off our streets. We have shanty towns made out of gated communities. It's the one way we've found safety. And it is nice that so many rich had tried to create these tiny fortresses to keep the varmin out. If they saw how we were using them, maybe they'd be proud of what they created. To bad we weren't given the time to show them how to protect what they had created, they were sitting on safety and the dead things came right in and wiped these unprepared dipshits out. Ho humm, time goes on.

We are gathering more survivors that are down with our cause, our ethos. We started as two, I think the recent count put as at over thirty. I was torn now, as our unanimous commander, on what to do with our team. Some have requested we create a base, a campus of our own, somewhere to dub home. And others are asking for us to take this fight to war status. To hunt, house by house, street by street, these zombies. To bash the brains out of every head. To stop this thing from spreading. To round up weapons and create an army of destroyers to purge this out of existence. It wasn't a hard choice. I wanted something for my kids to grow into. A home.

And the one way I saw them having a home, is without this scourge. So here we stand, me, the twit, and our army. On the rise of this day. Armed with bats, bricks, the few guns we have found, and pride. We can do this, we can send this back to it's cage. We can wipe this out. And it starts now.

The world's ending! Let's get to the water.

2010-03-04T07:30:06-06:00

It's beautiful. And even tho I consider myself a Boston guy, my heart belongs on the left coast. I would take my family and get there ASAP.

Foxborough, MA to Arlington, WA

2009-10-25T20:13:34-06:00

It starts where I am. And ends where life was easy. Life before responsibilities and learning how shitty life is.

Now that I'm invisible, I'm heading to The Bank

2009-07-02T22:25:07-06:00

If I were invisible.. the first place i would go is the bank. Listen people, I got bills to pay, and the kids aint puttin food on the table for themselves. I figure ill walk in all visible n stuff... then *BAMPF*(yes id make the noise Nightcrawler from xmen does. why? becuase its fn badass!). And as soon as I went invisible id start by leaping thru a teller window, or wait for the access door to be open and sneak thru. Once I was in, I would start making a much needed withdrawal. Then I would probably walk down the street invisible and slap a random dude in his mouth. Just because. Wouldn't you get a kick out of seeing the reaction of a grown man completely out of his head because he just got slapped by a big fat palm of air? I sure as hell would. Once those things were out of the way I would just start randomly fucking with people. Get into a car, wait for the person to get in and start talking to them. Make innappropriate noises in bathrooms. Flick ears.

Wanna buy some grilled cheese?

2009-07-01T08:44:51-06:00

Tomato Soup Grilled Cheese

Wieners and Cheese! Ive told so many people about this. I want to open a resturaunt called 'Wieners and Cheese!'. The only thing that would be on our menu is gourment variations of grilled cheese, and gourmet editions of hotdogs. The theme song would be epic, during the commercial there would be slow motion pull aparts for grilled cheeses, slow motion hot dog topping sessions, and the song.. oh the song "we.. we... wieners and *ticka ticka* cheeeeese".

All of the dishes would be famous, or obscure quotes from various movies. Things like "You feelin lucky punk" "There is no spoon" "When this baby hits 88 miles per hour". And you have to say the name. If you say "Id like a grilled cheese with tomato" you will get our standard processed american cheese on white bread barely toasted and you will be charged 8 dollars for it. Order the hotdog wrong - tofudog on a slice of bread. Also 8 dollars.

My problem is I dont know how to kickstart things.. otherwise id be sitting pretty in my bistro delux.

steal this idea and ill kill you

just saying

I'm happy I hung out with the people I did.

2009-07-01T08:26:14-06:00

In highschool I was very clique free. And I liked that. If the clique had a name it would be the "Parking lot crew". We would just mingle from one group of cars to another but the lines of cliques within the school were blurred once you got to the lot. We had the smokers, we had the portuguese car club, we had the jocks, everyone was ok with each other. I made a lot of good friends in the lot, got hit by a car by my best friend, showed random people what I was working with downstairs, poured strawberry milk on random cars, got into food fights, it was a blast. So if I had to do that part of HS again... Id keep it the same.

Hot as Hades

2009-04-29T21:23:47-06:00

How on fire have I ever been... hmm.

Figuratively... 4 years of never going below the speed limit, 8 warnings, no tickets.. that was pretty on fire. Then i got bagged doing 76 in a 65... wtf.

Literally? When i was 7 and was a full time Cub Scout the family joined in on a Scout camping event. First day went amazing, lots of fishing, tent putting upping, smore eatering, dog roasting etc etc. The weekend had shaped up to be quite the event. Day 2 was working out to be about as great as the first. My buddy Rus had at this point introduced me to Wierd Al Yankovich, at that time in my life this was a very good thing. Thankfully that phase was short lived. I spent most of the second day glued to Rus' yellow Walkman Sport. Day 3.. Where day 1 and day 2 were fun and campings outdoorsy good times, day 3 gave me pain, blackouts and seared flesh. We started the morning out with they typical Scout type fireside breakfast. And typical to said Scouting fireside meals the goal was to keep the coals embering but minimal flames. This means that for most of the day the firepit was full of smoldering embers. RED HOT EMBERS.

Rus wanted his walkman back, and the Scout Masters wanted me to get off my duff so we started playing and singing the normal affair of songs and games. Having exhausted those we moved onto more original games.. like chase the ballon. This dreadful game would be my undoing. While everyone else was playing it and being completely aware of theyre surroundings, your ADD afflicted friend here was less controlled with his efforts. This is to say that instead of seeing the fire pit he was throwing himself at, he was more attentive to the bouncing floating balloon.. until it popped with the heat of the coals.. and then it was to late to stop.

Into the fire pit i went, left hand smacking the back of the bin, melting a healthy handprint into the metal, right arm landing on the rim, searing a heavy deep line into my bicep, and right leg hitting the back of the bin, giving me a map of africa in on my thigh just above my knee.

Here is blackout 1: I peeled myself off the bin, and from what i have been told took a good 2 laps around the campsite before being tackled.

I woke up in the arms of the Scout Master who tackled me as he rushed me to the ladies room (mens room showers were all full). They tossed me into the shower and hit the cold water.

Blackout 2: Ride in the ambulance and admitance in the hospital

Woke up this time under bright lights with my left hand in ice water and doctors poking my leg

Blackout 3: This one was chemically sustained so they could clean the wounds. With a wire bristle brush.

Not entirely sure when i woke up the last time, but i still have the scars to remind me that baloons are not to be fucked with.

I dress to impress in the nude.

2009-04-10T22:04:41-06:00

[Day 25/365] - Suit Hunting Complete

I typically dont "try" to impress. At least not with my clothes.

This doesn't mean I don't care about what I look like, I still try to stay sharp and wear the appropriate attire. However I try to make the clothes instead of the clothes making me.

I am sure I have walked into some offices and had the original opinion be that of mediocrity. I tend to force my knowledge, wit, charisma, and character to shine more than whatever I am wearing. I think that I am this way because I don't tend to judge based on clothes. I have never been to worried about the current trends or whatevers hot in the industry.

I would respect someone a lot more if they tried to impress me with who they are and what they really know rather than some fine threads.

But thats just me I guess.

When I grow up...

2009-04-07T20:58:42-06:00

Riley
Professional Traveler; Reviewer of Rental Cars; Purveyor of Pirated Goods

One of the things that I love about my job now is that everyday it feels like a different job. The hohum of the 9-5 most people fall into disappoints me and frightens me. I am far to anxious, and lack the patience that it takes to deal with the day in day out routine. Also, the travel that my work puts me up to is great for me. I love to fly, I love checking out new cities, I love coming home to Boston. Rental cars get me excited because its like owning a new car for a week, one youre not responsible for... this means i get to really get into and see what these small, and sometimes not so small, rigs have in them.

And pirating? I cant stop.. i really think i need therapy.. i dont even want half the crap i get in. I just need something clogging my bandwidth at all times. It has definitely become less of a want and more of a need. But it is a love as well, i wont lie about that. checking out new bands, good or bad, makes me really happy.

Maybe instead of the 3 titles i should just become a critic. Pick apart these different cities and travelling experiences, rate cars based on my driving style or comfort, and give my honest opinion on bands that i have come across in my searches for my next favorite jam.

Please get this crap out of my head

2009-04-07T20:48:08-06:00

Homies by Insane Clown Posse

Really, anything by this "group" or its cohorts I would love, not only scrubbed from my memory, but also, from the pages of history. They preach a false sense of "family" when in reality the troop of juggalos that follow these guys wouldnt stand up for each other at all. The music isn't funny. There is no talent. The entire thing is quite usless.

Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne

Eh, a song about telling a guy that you think his girlfriend is crap and should be replaced with yourself? Pretty fn sad. Might as well tell the guy "Hey, Hey, Me, Me Im a huge piece of crap, Hell no, hell no, I dont give a crap about your feelings, Hey, hey, you, you, cant you tell im a skank"

I dunno I just think its a trashy song that could have been done without.

Dance Dance by Fallout Boy

PUKE! These idiots have such a catchy sound. I HATE this music but Ill be damned if it doesnt get so imbedded in my mind that im singing the crap for days. I have on several occasions considered digging a sharpened pencil into my ear during this and "Sugar Were Going Down Swinging". Unfortunately pencils are a bit of an oddity these days, Im sure my eardrums are thankful.

I could eat nothing but Japanese for a year

2009-04-07T20:27:45-06:00

Lunch @ Dake Sushi

I could live off of Japanese for easily a year. The diversity of flavors is amazing. Dumplings, noodle dishes, grilled meats, fried goodies... I havent even started talking about sushi yet. And that is a food i could go on for days about. a fresh bright pink slab of tuna laid over top a finger of rice, lightly pinched between my chopsticks and dunked in a 60/40 mix of soy sauce and wasabi. Holy heaven on a toothpick! Spider sushi? Yea i dig it, whats not to dig about soft shell crab in a roll style sushi displayed with the legs looking like spider legs? Oh, sashimi? Ill take a plate thanks! Cuts of fresh fish, nice thick slabs of raw fish, again tossed with the soy and wasabi.

The diversity of the flavors would definitely keep me coming back night after night. A year would be easy.

ticking time holepunch bomb

2009-03-28T22:41:17-06:00

confetti water colour

Not so much a prank i have seen, more the best prank i have ever pulled. This prank was extremely well planned, developed and built, then poorly executed, then recovered.. by the prankee.

There was a coworker that all of us hated. He was a NYC ahole who thought he was better than the rest of us... so someone had to put him in his place. I decided that person was me. Then i started to put in place the most epic prank the office has ever seen.

I set to work devising a hole punch monitor mine. i cut a dixie cup apart leaving only the bottom disk, i then fastened said disk to another dixie cup using a rubberband across the top of the second cup. I forced the disk to the bottom of the second cup and secured it by poking a paperclip thru the second cup, the paperclip went completely thru the cup and was flush with the hole on the face of the cup. I then filled the cup with hole punches.

with the mine created and stashed in a desk drawer, i waited. Once the coworker left for the day (notoriously early might i add) i started prepping the mine. i placed it on top of his monitor and taped the paperclip that was coming out of the back of the cup to his monitor. Any motion at this point would dislodge the paperclip and send the disk ripping thru the paper punches to the top of the cup.. in this process it would throw and fling and toss the contents of the cup into the air.

or at least that was the plan.

The final step was placing a peice of paper over the cup so he didnt see the punches. this was the downfall of my plan.

when i came in the next morning the coworker was supprisingly early.. and he was holding my mine!

He spun his chair around, showed me the mine and asked me "did you really think that id tug the paper and let all this fall on me?"

Now that wasnt the plan at all... he wasnt just supposed to dump the punches on him.. it was supposed to be a confetti conundrum.

"No" I replied.. "That wasnt what was supposed to happen"

At this point he started inspecting the mine, and found the paperclip. "What was supposed to happen? And whats this clip?" He wrapped his grimy new yorker hand around the paperclip and I set to running.

A quick look over the shoulder showed that the coworker had finished my dastardly deed.

I came back to the cube in hysterics, crying the entire time. He was holding an empty cup and a paperclip. The cubicle, his desk, his high society fashionable male self, and his smug face were completely covered in multicolor neon hole punches *all i could find the day before was a stack of neon post-it notes*.

It may not have gone EXACTLY as i had planned, instead it had gone 10 times better because i was able to witness first hand the explosive power of my prank.

My lesson learned -
Murphys Law may come around more than once in one turn of events, and if it does it may cancel out the wrong it first created, instead making it a right of fantastic proportions.

The breakup

2009-03-28T22:26:04-06:00

HA my worst breakup. I had a serious falling out of interest with an ex, and i expressed this to her and showed it however she kept trying and kept asking for more and more time to make it turn around. However i was very uninterested.

It came to a point where i asked a coworker to leave a suggestive comment on a networking site that me and my ex were both members of. It worked. It caught the eye of my ex, which then lead to jealousy and worry. and eventually the breakup.

Zombies!

2009-03-28T22:22:05-06:00

This is easy. Grab a Spaz 12, a machete and a pipe that is about 3 foot long, inch and a half diameter. Start to quietly navigate, staying away from towns and cities with large populations. Horde canned goods and non perishables when we can but not to much as to slow us down, and definitely in a seperate bag from our necessities. This is so we can drop the secondary bag and bug out with the needed goods. The pipe and mechete will be for when we come across a small group of the damned beasts, the Spaz is when theres a larger group and bugging out is the only option. This weapon is not for killing the enemy, simply to slow them down further for our get away.

During our roaming we will be sticking mainly to back roads and the country side and making looting trips as needed. Grocery stores will be avoided at all costs for two reasons 1. they were surely looted during the outbreak, 2. a large space with few exits will definitely mean trapped undead. For food we will keep an eye out for mom and pop restaraunts and off the road homes. Homes with outhouses will be searched thuroughly keeping mind that there may be an underground store room. Strategic movement on weapon stores will be a must, straight looting will not work for the same reasons as stated for the grocery stores. Also weapons stores may be fortified by other survivors who may not look kindly on outsiders.

Any groups of survivors we may encounter will be stalked and evaluated. If we feel they can help us we may approach, if turned down we may consider looting the group. If felt hostile the group will be avoided by any means necesary. If indifferent, the group may be looted or left alone but not approached as a merge.

Avoid killing survivors at all costs

Avoid staying in one spot for longer than 2 nights if possible.

If a member of the group does become infected it is understood that that member will be left behind and excomunicated.

Always be prepared, always have an escape plan, never get attatched.

i do my own stunts

2009-02-27T11:02:13-06:00

This is in response to "Explain a scar" :)

Man on Fire Stunt

Grey dots on elbow: Fall on bmx, tar residue from teh gravel they pulled out.

Shiny elbows: Scar tissue from 30ft slide on elbows down the middle of a street. my cousin threw a backpack at my bike, it happened to jam itself into the fork and lock up my front tire. sending me like a missle across a street and down the road.

Squigly line down finger: Glue gun mishap...

4 Lines on forearm: Self inflicted, lesson learned; cutting is gay.

1inch x 1/4inch line on left knee: escelator, lesson learned; never run the opposite direction on an escelator. as fun as it may seem, when it bites back it hurts a whole lot more.

3 3/4inch lines around right knee: Arthoscopic investigation of knee injury.

6 inch vertical line on right knee: Surgury post AI listed above.

1inch divot on right calf: Gunshot.... jk.. rebar was stabbed into my leg... another boyscout was not fond of me making fun of him.. whatever, he was a dick

Groove on right bicep: burn from falling onto/into a fire pit at a KOA campground

Burn patch on right thigh: Falling into/onto fire pit at KOA, lesson learned; fires gay

1/2inch purple scar on back: cyst i pulled out by hand on my honeymoon.

pretty sure that covers them all.

Songs to scream at the steering wheel

2009-02-25T09:35:15-06:00

A Good Left Undone by Rise Against

All of my songs are fun sing along songs. Open windows, radio up, retarded smiles and voices gone sore from screaming lyrics along. This is one of those catchy tunes that you can easily find yourself belting out and dancing with.

To Be Continued.. by Set Your Goals

Again, totally catchy, totally poppy and jumpy. Theres one section of the song where i can't help but stomping and yelling along with. Such a fun track.

Big Mouth Strikes Again by Slapshot

It is a great cover song of The Smiths.

"Big mouth lada da haha,
Big mouth lada da la
Big mouth strikes again
I got no right taking my place
with the human race"

Its a fun song about opening your mouth when you should have just kept quiet.. and knowing you should have kept quiet.. but again.. so catchy, so sing along able..

Front pocket wallet travels with me

2009-02-25T09:23:03-06:00

Front pocket wallet
... because its my wallet? It keeps my lic, cc's and cash.

8.35$ of change...
.. i have no idea. I have a problem with giving exact change i guess. always have. Its 2 dollar coins, 5 dollars of quarters, a dollar of dimes, and .35 cents of nickels. My pocket is heavy :(

Space and Boogers, What to watch when you're home sick with a flu..

2009-02-10T12:52:06-06:00

I love this movie when Im sick. It is a decently long movie so it will kill a few hours. And its never so crazy that if you drift off to sleep it will wake you.

Oi!.. vey... Dumb nicknames

2009-02-09T08:39:15-06:00

I have so many nicknames.. I guess i could list them in order of how they came to be.

Chrispy: This one I fault my mom with. She use to, and sometimes still does call me Chrispy Jamers. And most of the time she calls me that in front of the wrong people. There are very few people that get away with calling me that still tho; my mom, my two cousins, and i guess the wife if she wanted to.

Oi: In highschool my group of friends an I were walking to a pep rally or some other school support thing that none of us cared about. I took a look around and noticed that this was not just my group, instead it seemed like we were walking with the entire school. So I said "Wow, its like a congregation of sorts" and my friend goes "When did you get religious? Are you a jew? Oi?" and there it stuck. Still if i see old friends i get the OIIIIII!!!!

And the most current, most often used, and the one that i like the most is simply Riley. I sign emails with it. As long as ive known you for longer than aquantance status, im very cool with you calling me it.

My favorite room would have to be..

2009-02-06T07:56:10-06:00

bedroom

I would say that my favorite room would be a tie between the bedroom and living room.

The living room is entertaining on 2 levels. 1. Its where are the babies toys are, and most of the time watching him is more fun than anything else going on. 2. Its where the TV is, whats better than tv? Its a babysitter, a stress relief, an escape.. all of these in one. I hate tv.

The bedroom, ahhh the bedroom. Well, tis where the magic happens -_-. It is also where the wife and I cuddle and watch movies, which is very nice.

My least favorite room... the bathroom, its too small. The wife has a thing for frogs and our walls were Disneys Kermit Green, and while cute, its bright. In the summer, its almost too bright. But the biggest and most annyoing issue is the fact that the room is so small.

Where I go to ballroom dance and study classical music...

2009-02-05T20:01:21-06:00

This was the first place that i started visiting regularly. For quite some time I would visit The Den at least once a week to see the local hardcore punk band and scream my brains out. I have settled down in the last few years but still try to make it out at least once a month. Ronin - the guy who runs the place and takes my money, is a very chill guy who has amazing stories and an incredible nack for making you feel stupid but then making you laugh about it. There have been some other good venues, but i dont feel as at home as i do here.

SKEEEEEEEBRRRRRR bop bop bop SKKEEEEEEE

2009-02-05T10:36:51-06:00

In the mid 90s the rents got an IBM secondhand. Dial up was king, and the login sound was music to my young ears. OodlesONoodles was my AIM handle.. which is slightly embarassing. Looking back now I have no idea how I was ever okay with 5 minute loading times, akward pauses while 30 second audio clips buffered.