xbot - Plinky Answers

I do most of my shopping

2009-12-10T10:43:40-05:00

I do my holiday shopping that one time when the internet is open.

If I could be a winged animal...

2009-12-10T10:41:41-05:00

I would be a pega-corn (cross between a unicorn and a pegasus). Because I'm that freakin' magical.

My childhood fantasy was to be a ninja.

2009-07-30T09:14:22-05:00

Only a little.

I don't smell...

2009-07-30T09:13:38-05:00

Sure, some things smell nice. But more often than not, if I'm noticing a smell it's because it's something gross.

Bringin' it to the slammer

2009-07-27T13:23:37-05:00

Extreemely attractive female body guard.
An efficient, multi-functional choice. Makes dropping soap in the shower a more pleasant experience.

Laptop with internet service
Easy way to stay in touch, learn new things, and power-level the hell out of some toons.

Foolproof escape plan
I think it would come in handy, and I'm guessing the one from Idiocracy wouldn't cut it.

Every kid should learn that they should not have kids.

2009-06-18T15:45:04-05:00

Don't have kids.
They take up way too much time and resources and there's too many people in the world as it is. I think using that as a daily mantra would really instill a sense of self-worth that would carry through a lifetime.

Chicken McEgg-wich came first

2009-06-15T11:08:20-05:00

Most people would probably eat the egg first, since that's breakfast food. I don't care for eggs so much, so I'd go chicken.

Point the getaway car to Secret Volcano Lair Island

2009-06-11T12:56:47-05:00

Obviously, the getaway car can morph into a boat and get me safely back to my secret volcano lair on volcano island.

From there, I can kick back knowing they coppers will never find me, and I can contemplate how to spend the twelve dollars and sixteen cents I swiped when I smashed open Billy's (of family circus fame) piggy bank.

Who done it? "Not me"!

I can't live without...

2009-06-05T18:38:40-05:00

Spll chonk.

If I could time travel, I'd go to "The Future"

2009-06-05T18:37:26-05:00

I don't really care when, but going to "the future" is always cool.

It could be like 15 minutes from now, but it would still be really intriguing because you'd be in "the future". I wonder if they'll have personal jet packs and robotic servants by then.

That one guy I don't like will go in my time capsule

2009-06-05T18:34:29-05:00

That one guy I don't like
In fourty years, I probably won't care.

Woo hoo!

2009-06-05T18:32:08-05:00

Right now. And thanks for reminding me.

Word up...or is that out?

2009-06-05T18:31:42-05:00

Defenestrate
To leave via the window. Really interesting etymology, and you rarely get to use it.

Interwebbernets
At some point, coming up with silly ways to say the internet is going to get tiresome.

Bacon
Gotta love bacon.

Discombobulate
Fun to say.

Re-jigger
Use it all the time to talk about the process of edits in design.

Gateway to hoosiers

2009-06-05T18:27:31-05:00

Coming from the NYC area, I wouldn't have expected to like StL so much. Must be the people I know.

Cartoon vs. Comic

2009-06-02T15:45:07-05:00

So...we're talking about a Looney Toons character versus a super-hero with incredible fighting skills and regeneration powers? No contest.

Cartoon characters never die...and they're having safes dropped on them all the freakin' time.

Guilty of gross.

2009-05-26T14:18:14-05:00

Bad hygiene is a crime. If you're out in public and reeking of bad BO because you don't like to shower on a regular basis, you are a bad, bad human being.

I mean, if you're just stepping out of the gym, that's one thing, but showing up to a bar, restaurant, etc? What were you thinking? Your mother would turn over in her grave.

Verdict: Guilty.
Punishment: Banishment to a dirty hippie commune...but with no patchouli privileges.

Ew. You're gross.

The Lollipop Guild would like to welcome you for dessert

2009-05-13T13:23:49-05:00

Some say that the unionization of the Lollipop guild has stifled creativity and increased costs to the detriment of the product and the end consumer.

While this may hold true, they still make the best classic lollipop and lollipop based dessert items this side of the Wicked Witch of the West.

My favorite is the Munchkin-Berry All-Day Super Suck.

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As a side note to Google Maps...when did the land of Oz relocate to San Fran, and why isn't it in the Castro?

When life suxorz, roxorz.

2009-05-13T13:13:13-05:00

Sometimes life sucks, but I like to think that sucking isn't always a bad thing.

Pretty much anytime something seems crappy, you learn, you grow, you move on to bigger and better. Maybe I'm too much of an optimist who needs to get karate chopped in the shins by a handful of pygmies once in a while, but that's just the way I roll.

That said, stuff like kicking kittens is universally bad and rarely turns out to be good.

Jotting it down

2009-05-13T13:04:03-05:00

Marks and signs

It's a question of the right tool for the job. Sometimes, it's just much more efficient to start out on the 'puter. But if I'm taking notes, just jotting down ideas or sketching something out, nothing replaces old school paper. Except maybe cuneiform.

I can't travel without Underpants

2009-05-12T09:52:37-05:00

Underpants
I prefer to wear my own. The ones they lend you at the hotel are just a bit to itchy for my taste.

Facial Mositurizer
Hotel soap is drying. My face is dry to begin with.

Porn
I'm not paying. Much less on the company card.

Razor
One time, I forgot my electric razor on a week long trip. By the time it got really bad, there was just no way the POS freebie from the hotel was going to do much more than hack the hell out of my face. I tried for about 45 minutes, and only mangled myself.

This leg is not for humping (by dogs, anyway)

2009-05-04T16:30:08-05:00

Dogs would be okay if they didn't:

Drool
Hump your leg
Incessantly stick their nose in your groin/butt regions
Bark
Require constant attention
Chew your stuff up
Eat Christmas
Need to be walked/poop in your yard (I do not enjoy picking up poop)
Plus, it would be nice if they could make you pancakes once in a while.

Dogs = not good.

Thanks.

Carnival Cruise isn't as fun as they keep telling you it is

2009-05-01T12:36:36-05:00

I don't care how many times your annoying staff insists that "This is the fun ship", it does not make it true.

Shut up. Get out of my face. Get me off of this god forsaken boat.

I'm going back to mocking at all of D-bags who give the typical white American such a bad stereotype. Limbo-ing on the boat and stopping in port for a few hours at a souvenir stand does not equate to a cultural experience worth bragging about back at the water cooler on Monday.

This crew gots my back

2009-04-30T13:11:53-05:00

Mr T
Gold-chains-a-plenty.

The Cheat
You know...for the cheating.

Dr. Maasaki Hatsumi
He's the grandmaster of ninjutsu. Who else do you really need?

Tyler Durden
Bad-ass multiple-personality. You don't mess with that.

IG-88
Robot bounty hunter with duplicates, a sleeper legion of droids, and a drink dispenser for a head = bad ass.

Let's bake some fire.

2009-04-29T22:08:55-05:00

This one time...I kind of blew up.

So, I had this really old 1920's era Magic Chef stove. Looks really cool...came with the house. No pilot light. Every time you want to turn on the oven, you need a match.

No problem. Easy as pie. Well, fire pie anyway, which sounds kind of tasty right about now...but I digress

My girlfriend was scared to use the oven. Very scared. Some might even use a better adjective and tell me that saying "very scared" isn't the way to get the best bang for my buck from the English language. Oh crap...there I go digressing again. Back to the story...

In order to show my girlfriend how easy it is to use a lighter to light a stove, I explain the process. I then follow up and demonstrate. See...easy as pie. Mmm...fire pie.

"Now you do it", I say, handing her the lighter.

Step one, turn on the gas.

Step two, click the lighter stick thing (the long lighter designed for starting grills).

Step three, try to remember that you have to hold down the safety like I showed you in order to get it to spark.

Step four, remember that you should have lit the flame BEFORE turning on the gas.

Step five...look worried and confused.

Step six, let experienced one grab the lighter frantically, and expediently light it before the whole room fills with gas.

Step seven...small fireball. Boom. Fire pie!

While the smell of freshly singed arm hair still lingers in the air, I start to chuckle at how ridiculous the situation is, and the lady-unit enters freak-out mode.

And that's the most on fire I care to be.

I find B.O. terribly offensive

2009-04-28T00:00:30-05:00

B.O.
Showers. We have them. They feel nice. They make us not stink (assuming you use soap rather than some sort of funk stick).

Unless you're just getting back from a two week deep jungle zombie rampage control mission, I expect you to not be a stinky ass.

Pho Grand has good cheap eats

2009-04-27T23:57:10-05:00

It used to be dirt cheap...like treat all of your friends to dinner for a yuppie food stamp cheap.

Prices have probably about doubled since I started eating there, but some of the best Vietnamese food can still be had for about seven bucks an entree.

And they're about as quick as a fast food joint.

Useless dreams of being usable.

2009-04-27T23:48:39-05:00

The pedestal sink in my hall bath. Had it re-glazed, bought a new faucet, bought special oddity part as directed by stupid plumber.

It's been over a year. The plumber had me get a part that won't fit the drain hole....which I had to point out to him after he removed some old hardware, chipping the brand new re-glaze. Standard p-trap won't fit directly under the bowl and in the pedestal. Specialty right angle drain assembly is too large.

I'd get another sink, but have only found one that's similar. And it is taller. Which is a problem since we built a custom pedestal built onto the floor to raise the old sink to human height. Removing it would probably totally fuck up a portion of the floor. No spare of that tile. It was super-expensive.

I supose it's not entirely useless, though. The kitten likes to sleep in it.

I can explain

2009-04-23T11:14:23-05:00

Words are for sissies. Smoke bombs are for heroes.

Leave the party when you see The sun comes up

2009-04-22T13:01:00-05:00

The sun comes up
The mantra "pants are fer workin'" has already been chanted. The burlesque dancers have left the building and the stripper pole lies in ruin. Clownvis has long since finished performing. The booze is gone. The fights are over. The things that weren't supposed to be burnt that are going to be burnt any way are ash. It's time to thank Gary for a lovely shindig, and catch some sleep.

Inside in My house is lovely this time of year

2009-04-22T12:55:15-05:00

With all of those great television shows, why should I go outside? To feed the mosquitoes?